Eyes Of A Stranger
by Radiorox
Summary: Nightmares have no mercy – and sometimes, you might even be living one. Harm is not acting like himself, when he and Mac try to find out why, the truth might be worse than the nightmares that keep him awake at night. (COMPLETE)
1. Media Overkill

This is a story written back in 2004 which I never posted on here for some reason. I re-read it recently and liked the premise. I am going through a drive when I get time and finding older stories that were posted elsewhere on one of the Yahoo! Groups.

Title: Eyes Of A Stranger

Summary: Nightmares have no mercy – and sometimes, you might even be living one.

Harm is not acting like himself, when he and Mac try to find out why, the truth might be worse than the nightmares that keep him awake at night.

Action/Adventure/Thriller/Romance.

Rating: R and NC-17

Spoilers: Anything up to H&F

ORIGINAL AN: This story takes place sometime during season 10. It would take place in the summer. Harm has been helping Mac deal with her health issue, which for all purposes, is fine now. Yep, just like that. ;) I can speculate, I can go into details about her health issue, but I chose not to and just place a few sentences here and there to make the story go. It is going to be a dark story at times, but Mac is going to stand her ground when it comes to Harm. There will be angsty moments, but not as bad as some of my other works where Harm and Mac have full blown arguments.

AN2: The story, originally, was called "The Assassin" until I was listening to (what I think is the greatest Rock album of all time) Queensryche's 'Operation: Mindcrime' and the song "Eyes of a Stranger" started playing.

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. If I did, it would be switched to cable and there would be a HELL of a lot of sex scenes between Harm and Mac. ;)

PART 1 – Media Overkill

-  
They're watching me

They're watching you

Taking all the world under control

They make you laugh

They make you blue

In the end they try to eat your soul

Satellites transmit the latest thrill

We can't escape the media overkill

"Media Overkill" By: Scorpions

Thursday  
July 15th, 2004

0530 Zulu

Washington, DC

Definitely, he was military. His persistence, timing and skill screamed military training. And even if you didn't notice then the unmistakable look of Naval summer whites would clue you in. A tall, dark haired, Naval officer stood out of place among one of the lowest of the low trading cocaine for cold hard cash. Cash that reeked of narcotics and something else, blood. The blood of those that had been killed over the currency.

Stuart Dunston, one of the best reporters from ZNN sat in the dark, alone, pointing his camera towards the transaction. It was exactly where the mystery caller had told him it would be. Thinking twice, he barely made it there on time. Phone calls were usually a hoax to get the hard working into following a ruse. What had peaked his interest was that the caller told him that a Naval officer would be at the location. The area was at the site of some un-finished building just outside of DC. He arrived, squatted down behind a bush and just aimed his camera to the open warehouse door where the deal was going down.

'What a story this is going to make.' He thought, zooming in closer as Naval officer counted the money. The man's face was obstructed, but that didn't matter, soon enough Dunston would have his face and then, all he had to do was put a name to it. Yup, someone's career was going to come to a full stop that night.

"What the hell do you mean it's not all there?" The buyer screamed at the Naval officer, audibly enough for even Dunston to hear it. "I counted it twice!"

Apparently, the officer was managing to keep his cool, his arms crossed neatly in front of his chest. 'Damnit! Move over!' Dunston wanted to yell at the man, he just needed one good shot and it would soon be over.

And a good shot he got, several in fact of the Naval officer pointing a 9mm at the buyer. "You trying to screw me over!" The voice echoed towards Dunston's hiding place and he sat as still as possible. Something about that voice was familiar, he had heard it before, somewhere.

"No!" Were the buyer's last word because a second later the last thing heard was the sound of a gun. The man's body fell to the ground in a heap and out of Dunston's shot.

The Naval officer moved forward and began collecting the money and narcotics from the table, when he turned around, Dunston's blood froze in his veins. Of course he knew the voice because there, facing his way, was non-other than Commander Harmon Rabb Jr.


	2. Be With You

Again, this is an OOOOLD story. I'm trying to fix some aspects of it and then paste it so the updates are going to come faster because it's all written up.  
From what I gathered - I think I started this between Season 9 and 10 when we speculated that Mac had endometriosis and Webb was still dead. (Thank God. ;))

PART 2 - Be With You  
-

What you gonna do?  
I think I should be with you  
A love that's over do  
I think I should be with you.  
"Be With You" By: Bangles.

Friday  
July 16th, 2004  
2345 Local  
Washington, DC

"To the Admiral." Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. along with his colleagues all raised their glasses to toast the return of Admiral AJ Chegwidden. "We sure as hell missed you, sir." The months without their commanding officer were nothing short of a headache. The new JAG, Admiral Scott J. Meyers, was a total head case. No one quite understood how he had moved up the ranks, less of all Harm and Mac who seemed to be stricken by the Admiral Meyers' wrath whenever and however he could dish it out to them. It was finally the SECNAV that got fed up with Meyers and pleaded, yes, pleaded for AJ to come back to JAG.

The Chinese restaurant was the same where the crew had celebrated Petty Officer Coates' promotion. Lt. Commander Bud Roberts and his very pregnant wife, Lt. Harriet Sims, sat next to Petty Officer Jennifer Coates. Commander Sturgis Turner sat next to the Robert's along with his girlfriend Varese Chestnut. Next to them sat Harm and Lt. Colonel Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie. Yes indeed, the crew was all there. The evening was spent telling jokes about life at JAG without AJ. It continued with AJ's stories from his few months away from the throne. Close to midnight, the crew headed out of the restaurant. Before they each headed towards their respective vehicles, one of them was in for a surprise.

Two men dressed in shabby suits moved swiftly and stopped in front of Harm. "Commander Harmon Rabb?"

Harm shifted into defensive mode. "Yes, and you are?"

"I am detective Mark Nivens, this is detective Carl Graves you are a suspect in a case involving drug trafficking and murder." One of the detectives moved forward to try and persuade Harm to join them. "You need to come with us, sir."

Harm looked around to his friends and then back to the detectives. To him, it had to be a joke. "Funny, how about you guys go and pick on someone else?"

AJ stepped out from behind the group and moved forward, brining his arms across his chest. "What is this about?"

Nivens looked between the two men and went into his run down of what Harm was supposedly being brought in for. "We have reason to believe that the Commander was involved in a drug trade that went south."

AJ practically laughed in the detective's face. The idea of Harm involved in something so low, could not be fathomed. Sure, he was a loose canon, but not one to be so stupid to toss away his career. "When exactly was this?"

"Last night." Detective Graves said, finally choosing to do more than nod at Nivens' explanation.

"I find it extremely impossible to believe that Commander Rabb was wrapped up in any narcotics related incident." AJ offered in a stern voice that would have made military personal run for cover. He was trying to intimidate the detectives, unfortunately, it wasn't working. "He was also working late last night."

"You were there?" Nivens asked.

"And so was I." Bud added.

Nivens just shrugged, he still wasn't too convinced that Harm had nothing to do about anything. "Until what time?"

"About ten, ten-thirty." Bud offered.

Nivens smirked as a loophole was presented to him. He took it and ran, hoping nothing else would show up, hoping he could nail his man. "The transaction occurred closer to midnight, which gives the Commander here plenty of time to. . ."

Mac chose this time to jump in. "The Commander left JAG ops and was with me. . . _all night_." Her last words were dripping with innuendo, leaving no one, not even Harm himself to dispute the validity of her story. Everyone stared wordlessly at the pair. Having a loss of words, Harm looked down at Mac as if she had grown two heads. Last night, as far as he recalled, he was at his apartment, all night. However, he chose to keep that bit to himself. Smiling, Mac wrapped her arm around Harm's.

Nivens along with every other hard working detective hated defeat. He realized right away, there was nothing to do. But that didn't mean that he couldn't keep a watch on Harm.. "You're under investigation commander, so I suggest you not leave the city."

"See you soon." Graves added, patting Harm on the back as he followed Nivens back to their unmarked car.

Silence struck the group and as the minutes elapsed, no one said a thing, until AJ regarded Harm and Mac. "All night, huh? Well, nice that the two of you FINALLY got your head out of your sixes. . . Even nicer that you managed to keep it out of the office." With a grin, AJ slapped Harm on the shoulder and then smiled at Mac. "Enjoy your evening."

Bud tuned over to Mac and smiled sheepishly. Well, if the Colonel and the Commander were indeed an item, she wouldn't need a ride home after all. (Her Vette was in the shop.) "Colonel, you still need a ride home?"

Harm, not missing a beat, quickly jumped in. "No I'll take her."

The drive home was quite silent, until they hit the first stop light. Harm had been chewing on his inner cheek, Mac's innuendo was making him wonder. "Why did you lie?" He said, cutting through the silence.

Mac looked over him and smiled. "Because you didn't do it."

"You're sure of that?" It was a statement more than a question.

Mac responded with one word. "Positive."

So stunned was Harm that he basically didn't even notice the light has turned green. Luckily, at that time of night, there was no one on the road. "You're kidding me?"

"Do you want me to think you are guilty?" Is it that he wanted to be the martyr for something he didn't do. . . again? To Mac's horror, mental images of the Singer fiasco came to mind. A time where he kept to himself to try and protect his brother. Was he trying to protect someone now?

Harm didn't know how to answer that. Simply put, he didn't give a rat's ass about the police, he was too busy trying to decipher what exactly Mac meant by the 'all night' comment. Was she just trying to protect him, or was it something that she wanted just as badly as he did? "No, just wondering what popped into your head to have you tell everyone we're . . .umm involved." The light changed back to red, but neither of them noticed.

"I didn't tell anyone that we were involved. . .they led themselves to believe that." Mac was amused, so amused at how her friends received the possibility of a romantic involvement between her and Harm. The Admiral was the most surprising; she figured he'd be the first one giving them lectures as to why having a relationship with someone in the word place was a no no. Then again, if Bud and Harriet could do it. . . Well, Harm and Mac weren't Bud and Harriet. Simply put, Harm and Mac put the 'fun' in dysfunctional.

The word flew out of his mouth before Harm had a chance to sensor them. "Whatever, Mac. . ." He was about to start driving, as he noticed that the light was green again. Mac stopped him completely, by putting a hand on his arm.

The instant that his eyes locked back onto hers, he saw pain, the same pain that he noticed in her eyes back in Sydney. Only, back then, he didn't realize that it was pain. "You don't sound all that thrilled." Though her voice was hushed, there was a catch to it, one that Harm didn't miss. She looked away from him and stared out the passenger window. Her voice found the determination that she really didn't feel, but 'what the hell,' She thought, 'no need to mask anymore the hurt he's put me through.' So, she turned back to him and didn't mean for her voice to sound so authoritarian, but it did. "Is it that you don't want to be involved with me?"

Harm looked away; he didn't want to talk about that. Not now, if possible, not ever. He'd given up the fantasy of being with Mac, because it was just that, a fantasy. It was clear to him that they were supposed to be in each other's lives, but as nothing more than friends and working partners. Intimate life outside of that was not to be dwelled upon, it would only bring a heart break. Not to mention Clay was gone and it had deeply affected her; so much that she was going back to the therapist at Bethesda. "Maaac. . . let's not talk about this." He was trying his best to dismiss her, to stop before he gave in so much that he had to push her away again. It was best, he decided, to take what he could get from her and if it was just friendship, then so be it.

But, Mac wouldn't be dismissed. Not now, not when she was on her way back to life that had been lost for over a year. Not since before Paraguay, the Singer trial and their time – read: nightmare, on the bench, had she felt so alive. So, no, she wouldn't be dismissed, she would NOT let him. "No, let's do. . . Let's talk about it."

Sighing, Harm put the car in gear and moved them to the side of the road. She waited for him, waited patiently for him to respond. "What is it?" He didn't mean for his voice to come out so. . . angry. But, he wasn't ready for it. If he stopped lying to himself, Sarah MacKenzie SCARED him.

"Well, what is with you?" Mac said just as sharply. He was going to interject something else, but she decided to cut him off completely, she had a point to make. Especially since during the spring and into the summer they seemed to be moving somewhere. Or was she the one moving and him standing still? It didn't matter because, after the first therapy session since Clay's death, she realized, she was still and would always be in love with Harm. It was as simple as that.

On the complicated side, she wanted to feel whole again before she pursued something with him. And whole she was feeling again now, after her health condition had been treated effectively, after she felt like a woman - a whole woman, again. Mac, the Marine was still there and now Sarah, the woman, was to be given another chance, one that she was defiant in not screwing up. "After Clay died you promised to be there for me and you were, even though that whole health scare when we decided to give the baby deal another year to make sure I was healthy. . ." Mac paused for a moment and she watched him. The conversation about the baby deal was rehashed the night the Admiral retired. She didn't say 'no' to the idea, she just said 'not yet.' Of course, Harm heard 'no.' "Well I am healthy, I am fine, and it wasn't serious. . ."

This time, Harm jumped in quickly before she could shut him down again. "And I am glad for it. . . you had me worried." On cue, he reached for her hand and squeezed gently. It wasn't meant to be a gesture for pity, but it was a gesture that they had, once again, survived.

Mac slipped her hand out of his and frowned. Through the time that she dealt with the endometriosis, he was, well. . . NOT HARM. Oh, he looked like Harm, talked like Harm, but it wasn't Harm. The arrogant, self-centered, flyboy was replaced by a considerate, concerned and rational adult. Mac liked it. She liked it a lot, but along the way sometimes she felt that he pitied her.

He pitied her for her past, her battle with alcohol, her numerous mistakes with men, her health scare, the family that she wanted but never could quite attain. And at this very moment, as she sat across from him, she was tired of being pitied. "Okay, so is it that you were with me through it all because you pitied me? Because the moment I was fine you stepped away. . . again." The hurt was painfully evident. And for a moment, he had nothing to say.

Harm just stared out the window, trying to formulate something that would not bring on World War whatever between the two of them. Did he pity her, at times? Yes, he did. He felt sorry that her life, just as his, went sometimes out of control. If he was truthful with himself, what Harm was most sorry about was that he COULD NOT help her this time. All he could do was be there, and that was simply not enough for a man that had a compelling need to be a hero. He couldn't save her, just watch it all unfold. Yes, she was healthy and he was happy about that, so happy that, again he distanced himself. Why? Because he wasn't sure what she wanted from him. He'd tried pushing their relationship along when Webb had died and Mac didn't seem interested. "What do you want from me?"

"You, damnit!" Mac didn't hesitate, she didn't even breathe. She just said the two words with conviction. And just in case he didn't get it, she decided to clarify the specifications. "Harm, I want a relationship with you. . .I want to be with you." But, he didn't say a damned thing, he just sat there with that lost little boy look that only Harm could pull off. "If you don't want one with me, then let me know so that I can try to go on with life and try, for once, to let you go."

That was something that Harm wasn't expecting; an ultimatum that would effectively put someone else in her life again. How many men would have to pass between them before he finally let go? "I want one with you." He said almost frantically. Harm couldn't go through the pain of seeing her with someone else.

"Then what is the problem?"

How should he respond? Did he want to let her know how insecure he really was? No, but he didn't have much of a choice, because he never really thought it would come to this, a direct conversation. "I thought you didn't want one with me. . ."

Mac placed her hand over his. She didn't meant to chuckle, but the whole thing was so absurd. How did a man that had so many women throwing themselves at him, not get that she was so attracted to him. "Okay, let's start with step one. .. . Communication, when you aren't sure ASK."

Harm breathed a sigh of relief and the two of them chuckled at their predicament. "We're quite the pair, huh?"

"You can say that again." The smile reached her eyes. Mac understood that the missing aspect of their relationship was communication.

"How about we move to step two." He added with a sheepish grin which only made her eye brows reach her hairline in confusion.

Mac's trademark eyebrow rose. She saw the mischief in his eyes. "Step two?"

Nodding, Harm leaned in across the center console and brought his head close to hers. His voice was low and seductive, "Kiss me Mac."

1840 Local  
ZNN Headquarters  
Virginia

Images of a drug deal were running through a small screen. A Naval Commander had just put a bullet into one of the vagrants that used to inhabit Washington. Stuart Dunston sat, alone, in the editing room. Nervously, he moved over to a small table and fixed himself a drink. "That couldn't be Rabb," He thought the same thing he thought over and over again. Still, the camera didn't lie, the footage didn't lie and Harm's face was plastered all over the last few frames.

Sighing, he stood and shot off the footage and after slipping the tape back inside it's case, he headed out of there. He knew that he should have probably contacted the proper authorities, but it did occur to him that it was possibly a JAG investigation. He knew Harm and knew that men like him did not and would not get into messes like that. Then again, he thought about the murder that Harm was suspected for. Though he didn't exactly cover that case, it was all over the news.

Still, he knew Rabb wasn't the type to get caught up in messes like those. Not to mention, he wasn't willing to get on Harm's bad side because that would mean, no more rides in supersonic aircrafts. Grinning to himself, Dunston slipped the tape into the pocket of his jacket and headed out of ZNN. He would keep the footage to himself. . . for now.


	3. Sweet Thing

PART 3 – Sweet Thing

-  
She is such a sweet thing

Magical and all divine

Talkin' 'bout a sweet thing

I can't get her out of my mind

Sweet sweet thing

-  
"Sweet Thing" By: Per Gessle

Saturday  
July 17, 2004

0930 Local

Harm's Apartment

North Of Union Station

"Mmm. . . Harm." Mac moaned into Harm's mouth as his hands started moving under the covers and over her body. He stopped at a sensitive spot on the back of her knee and ran slow, tantalizing circles over her flesh. Mac's mouth came down on his, kissing him with such intensity, that it was making his head spin.

"Mac. . ." He whispered, in a voice thick with want and need. Harm rolled Mac onto her back and started trailing kisses from her lips down to her neck and downward. As he started to reach the valley of her breasts, a loud thud followed by a muffled curse brought him out back to the real world.

Opening his eyes, Harm turned over to find the spot next to him cold and empty. It was a dream. Yawning, he made his way down the steps of his bedroom to get the coffee started when he saw Mac in his apartment. "Morning, sleepyhead. . . .Didn't mean to wake you. The coffee pot slipped out of my hands." She chuckled, picking the pot off of the floor. Opening it up, she was surprised that it did not break. "And it's not broken." She said triumphantly, winking at Harm as pulled out the items to make the coffee.

'Ooookay?' Harm thought as he looked at her and then back to the bed. "Did you spend the night?"

Mac walked over to the kitchen island and rummaged through two small white bags on it before turning to him. The look of her face was of pure confusion. "Uh, no, I stayed at my place last night."

Harm shook his head, trying to get the fuzz out of it. Her place? Was he there? Did he drop her there? "I don't remember."

Mac plopped up on a stool and stared at him for a moment. "You don't remember what happened last night?" When he shook his head, she was suddenly concerned. Reaching out, she placed her hand on his forehead and face, checking to see if he was running a temperature. "Are you okay?"

Resisting the need to roll his eyes, Harm tried to rationalize a few things. "Yea, I ummm think whatever I ate must have made me sick. . . What happened?" The memory of his dream was still overpowering him. Thankfully, he wasn't aroused from the dream, but it left him at a loss for was real or fantasy.

Mac sighed happily; she turned and locked gazes with Harm. Her lips curved into a smile as she said, "Well, we kissed." Now, that part he did remember and if he recalled correctly they had kissed, "Twice. . ." Mac was now glowing, and from only two kisses. "And an officer and a gentleman dropped me at home. . .You did tell me that you'd pick me up and we'd go have breakfast. . . I changed the rules a bit, brought us something to eat instead." The smile was still plastered to her face. God she felt good, almost as if walking on air. If Mac could get that way from a kiss, she couldn't wait for more.

Harm nodded "Okay THAT I remember . . . but the rest of the evening is a blur." In truth, he didn't even remember arriving back at his place or even falling into bed. Everything from the time he left Mac's until the time he woke up was a total blank. After a bit of silence, he smiled impishly at her. "You know I liked the kisses."

Mac watched him for a moment and then smiled as a response before adding. "I did too."

"Maybe we should try a few more." He moved closer to her, trying to cut the distance between them, hoping he could get another kiss out of the deal. His arms came loosely around her.

She trailed lazy circles over his chest and looked up at him with a sheepish grin. "Well I don't know Harm, I am thinking to quit while we're ahead."

"What you don't like my kisses?" He pretended to be hurt by her banter.

"Oh, I like them just fine but, it's kinda weird living my dreams." With a quick peck on his lips she turned and continued removing the packages of food out of the bags.

Harm raised his eyebrows in amusement. She dreamt about him? Ooooh yea, things were definitely going to get interesting. "Living your dreams, huh? What dreams are those?"

"Well, it starts with kissing you and. . . where it goes from there. . . we'll see" Mac said in a serious tone, not turning to face him.

Reaching out, he turned her so that she was facing him. Roughly, he brought her close, pinning her body to his. His eyebrows rose up and down suggestively and his voice went down to a low growl. "I really want to kiss you badly right now, Mac."

Grinning, she rested her hands on his chest. She was never the type to like the whole caveman aspect of some males but, playing like this with Harm was interesting. "Since when are you such a Neanderthal?"

"Whatever works, sweet thing." Dipping his head, he took her lips softly. He teased her lips to part and kissed her slowly, searchingly.

Before it intensified, she broke off. "Sweet thing huh? . . .A girl could get used to you acting like this." She said with a smile and then moved out of his embrace and over to the food she'd spread out on the island. "Bagels, cream cheese and that Danish you like."

"So, what are we up to today?" Harm raked a hand though his hair, trying to tame what he knew was probably sticking up all over the place.

"According to my schedule; Mattie, Jen, you and me and the airplane museum." Somewhere along the course of the week Mattie had informed Harm that she needed to do a report on the museum. He'd mentioned this to Mac who'd informed him that she'd never been, so the plans had been made for Harm to spend the day with his girls; all three of them.

1050 Local

National Air and Space Museum

Washington, DC

"We are so going into the IMAX, I've heard that is totally awesome." Mattie said with enthusiasm, as she looked through the booklet of the museum.

Harm raised his eyebrow and smirked. "The IWhat?"

"IMAX." Mac and Jen said at the same time and then laughed. "It's a huge movie theatre screen, about six stories high, supposedly makes you feel you are right in the picture." Mac added with a smile. "Oh and according to the booklet, they're doing a special on supersonic jets."

At that Harm's grin spread, he looked like a kid at a candy store. "Okay, I say we do that first. Lead the way Mattie."

They spent several hours at the museum, the three adults pointing out details to the teenager for her report. At one of the exhibits, Harm began telling stories of his time in the Gulf War leaving out the parts that tormented him the most, like his ramp strike.

2350 Local

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

"Would you like some coffee?" Mac stepped into her apartment with Harm following, she flicked on a light and moved towards the kitchen.

Harm headed towards the sofa. "Sure, thanks." Sighing, he settled in and put his feet up on her coffee table. His feet were killing him. Somewhere along the way through the Air and Space museum, Mattie suggested they visit the Smithsonian. It was actually a joint effort. Mac started rambling something about Dinosaurs and Mattie had wanted to go. So, they spent nearly the whole day walking through the massive museum and he was exhausted. Mattie and Jen, however, being the youngest of the group, still had the energy to go and watch the new Harry Potter flick, something that Mac and Harm totally backed out of.

Mac walked in with the coffee and a smile. She'd been smiling a lot lately, especially after kissing him. It was infectious. "You look like I feel?"

Harm shrugged. "Was fun though. Hey, what was the name of the dinosaur you have?"

"Ichthyosaurus." Mac said widening her smile. She was glad that he was slightly curious about her hobby. Most of the other men in her life had found the whole thing a rather boring pastime. She figured it was because the others didn't know about the ichnites and her Uncle Matt. But, Harm did. It seemed that in almost every aspect of her life, Harm had the upper hand.

Grinning, he reached into a bag that he was carrying around and pulled out a cute, stuffed Pterodactyl. "Close enough?"

Mac laughed. "When did you manage to get that?"

His grin manifested itself into his full flyboy smile. He found that he enjoyed making her happy. "When I managed to fool you three into thinking that I left my wallet in the store. That little guy was sitting by himself and I though he needed a home."

Mac took the stuffed dinosaur and cuddled it. If possible, her smile was lighting up the room. "This was very sweet of you, thank you."

"Anything to make you smile like that." He said thoughtfully. "You have got the most beautiful smile, Mac."

Raising a brow, she shot him a coy look. "You trying to woo me, Commander?"

"Yes." He said matter-of –factly and added with a sensual tone. "Is it working?"

Grinning, Mac placed the stuffed toy on the coffee table and slid herself into his lap. Her lips met his in a soft kiss which quickly started escalading. "Yea, I'd say it's working."

Harm's kisses trailed from her lips to her jaw line and down to her neck, where he nuzzled. That area clearly had an effect, Mac's giggle was an indication of that. Still, rushing things wasn't a good idea, they both knew that. Whatever was going on needed to be explored, savored. "We need to be careful." Mac said, between kisses.

Harm again nuzzled THAT spot on her neck and sighed. "Yea, very careful."

"I mean, I want to take this slow." She breathlessly rasped against his throat.

His head came down to hers, where he kissed her hard, passionately. "Mmm hmmm very slow."

Mac returned the kiss, slipping her tongue passed his lips to find his own. Breaking the kiss she moved her head away from his. "Things between us could get too. . . intense too fast."

"Intense, I know." He took her face gently in his hands and started kissing Mac again. She was saying something, but the irrational side of him just didn't give a damn. Mac rolled her hips against his lap causing him to moan.

Breathlessly, she pulled away from him and sighed. "God, you are a good kisser."

"So are you." Harm added with a grin. Sighing, he took her lips again. God, she was intoxicating.

Mac was trying hard to rationalize things. Did she want him, yes? But not now, she wasn't ready for. . . "I mean, It's not that I don't want. . ." But when his hand cupped her breast and she lost it. "Oh, screw it."

"Okay." Harm resumed the assault on her body. The kisses deepen more and he trailed them down her chest, nuzzling the neckline of her shirt, hoping she would grant him access. Then, just as quickly as things escaladed, his mind was bombarded by what Mac was trying to tell him, with a groan, he came to an abrupt stop. "Ugh. We do need to stop."

Mac sighed and rested her forehead against his. "I want this, but . . . I'm not ready to . . .The doctor said, not yet." God she hated her body at the moment especially when it was telling her how much she wanted Harm.

"I understand, Sarah." His arms were still around her though; he was reluctant to let her go until she pulled him away. How he wished that she wouldn't.

The use of her given name almost made her take everything back. . . almost. She had to be strong and rational. Clayton Webb, the last man she was involved with, had only passed on a few months ago and she didn't want Harm to think he was just filling in. No, with Harm she wanted it to be more than that, much more. Her health scare, though it was being taken care of, posed an issue. According to her doctor, physical intimacy had a high probability of being painful the first few times. Mac knew Harm well and if he thought he would hurt her when they were intimate, it was likely that he would be scared away from her forever. And then, she was just scared of what the aftermath would bring. Would they have one of those awkward morning afters? Would he leave her? Would she leave him? She laughed at the absurdity of their relationship and looked up at him. "Isn't it funny that now I am the one complicating things that are supposed to be simple?"

Harm shrugged, he was used to it. He figured that last time he made her wait and now, he'd do the same for her. "I'll wait for you forever if need be, Mac."

"You won't have to wait forever, Harm." She pointed out, trying to make him understand one basic thing, that even though they hadn't made love, they were together. "I am yours; I have been for a long time now."

Harm smiled at that, the thought of Mac being, his was, well, exhilarating. This meant that he didn't have to worry about some jerk trying to take her away from him while they went through whatever phase they were going through. This meant he was hers too. He kissed her softly this time and made sure not to let it linger. "I better get going." He finally said, helping her slip off of him as he stood and stretched.

She claimed his lips once more and smiled. "One for the road."

"Come over for breakfast tomorrow, we still have that Huntington Court-martial to go over." Business, it was always good to switch to business as a way to kill the moment.

Mac nodded. "I will." She said as his lips descended once more onto hers. "Bye."

"Bye." He reluctantly turned and left, his body tingling from the places her hands had touched. Harm felt like he was walking on air. He practically skipped across the street and to his Lexus. When he climbed in, he heard the beep of his cell phone and figured that Mattie was probably calling to check up. Punching in the numbers for voicemail, he heard a familiar voice over the line.

"Commander Rabb, this is Stuart Dunston from ZNN. I have some footage that I think might be interesting for you to take a look at. Unfortunately, I am leaving tonight for a conference in Seattle. I'll contact you once I get back. . . By the way, your secret is safe with me." Click, the message ended. Harm hit a button and saved the cryptic message. He furled his brow in confusion. What was Dunston on about now? Shrugging, he looked up one last time to Mac's apartment window. She really was his sweet thing. With a grin, he put the car in drive and left.


	4. Welcome To My Nightmare

Again, this is a very old story just putting on the site for fun. Harm is gonna act a little weird...  
All mistakes are mine. :)

PART 4 – Welcome To My Nightmare

-  
Welcome to my nightmare

Welcome to my breakdown

I hope I didn't scare you

"Welcome To My Nightmare" By: Alice Cooper.

Thursday  
July 22, 2004. . .

Harm was running hard as rain pounded the streets of some strange town. He was following someone who was walking towards a cemetery. The man eluded him again and he had to run faster, increasing his stride. His blood was pumping hard in his veins, heart threatening to hammer out of his chest and Just when he was about to give up, he was spotted. Squatting behind a headstone, Harm took cover and brought out his side arm. He pointed and shot, the rest was history. Or, it was supposed to be. But, when Harm got close to make sure the man was dead, his own corpse looked up at him.

Shooting up in bed, drenched in sweat Harm looked around and sighed. The time on his clock read 0800, which mean, he was going to be late. . . again. "Shit." He cursed, rolling out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. . .

1007 Local

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm stood and faced the bench. "Objection your honor, the Colonel is leading the witness."

"Overruled." Judge Sebring was witnessing the latest sparring match between the Colonel and the Commander. A match that the Colonel was clearly winning. The case had been a pathetic one to toss at either of their dockets, but with so many men and women fighting the war on terror, such cases had to be dealt with, no matter how petty or pointless they were. Petty Officer Andrew Larson was caught urinating into one of his crew member's coffee. Unfortunately for Harm, he was the poor soul selected to defend. What PO Larson needed, Harm figured, was a good old fashioned spanking. With a sigh, he sat back down and stared at Larson who keep this angelic face that Harm wanted to smack off of him

Harm and Mac had discussed terms, all of them no more than a slap on the wrist for a kid that shouldn't even be allowed to wear the uniform. Larson had refused them all, against Harm's suggestions and wound up in court wasting valuable time and money.

"We'll break until tomorrow. . ." Sebring said, before the resonating sound of the gavel brought the day's proceedings to an end.

1110 Local

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac walked out towards the tables outside of JAG HQ, with Harm in tow. She sat down in one of the chairs and Harm sat across from her. "Well, that was fun in there. . . not." His hands came to the side of his head where he was running circles on this temples. The day was nice, warm and bright and all he wanted to do was crawl into some dark place for several hours until the headache passed.

"Headache?" Mac knew she didn't have to ask' his headaches had become a daily occurance. It started over the weekend when they were working on a difficult case. The fact that he was sleeping less and less, maybe have also compacted the issue.

Harm nodded. "Yeah."

Mac frowned. Everyday he had a headache and they were seemingly getting worse. There were also the circles under his eyes and palor to his skin that she only saw when he'd been sick in the past. "Have you been sleeping much?"

"Not really." He offered with a drained sigh. Her questioning was starting to irritate him - they were the equivalent of nails on a chalk board.

"You need to rest, Harm. . . How about taking a few days to yourself?" She kinda wished they both could take some time off. The months with the last JAG and now the return of Chegwidden had proven to be stressful on the senior officers. Being Chief of Staff, Mac was literally being driven nuts. The last JAG, was a complete 180 from Chegwidden and wasn't exactly a big fan of the Marines. "I should take some time off myself."

Harm dropped his hands and looked up with a grimace. If only. . ."Can't, Mac. . . my docket is overfilling."

"How about the weekend then?" She offered, two days being better than none.

"What did you have in mind?" His idea would likely involve 'Sarah', his bi-plane, something he was sure Mac wouldn't go for. That one time they went flying was the first and the last that she had ever set foot in Blacksburg. He couldn't really blame her for it. Mac certainly did NOT like planes.

Mac smiled sweetly. "Me, you, maybe a bed and breakfast out in Norfolk?" During the week, she had managed to see her doctor at Bethesda once again and was happy to get the news that life could go back to normal. Which meant, she'd be able to be intimate with Harm. She wanted him badly and was tired of waiting.

"Can't, Mac." Harm said and after a long pause, he looked up at her and shrugged. "I need to head over to Langley . . ." The moment the words came out, he felt like zipping his mouth shut. His mind was suddenly screaming at him - telling him to stop what he was sayin, that he was divulging classified information.

"Langley? What about?" She tensed a bit and he noticed it. The CIA was certainly not something she wanted him to get involved with ever again.

Harm bit the inside of his cheek and sighed. How could he put it lightly? "It's classified." But, the moment the words flew out, Mac's look changed from concerned, to irritated, to anger. The CIA was definitely not something to bring up lightly around her and he didn't blame her.

Mac stood. "Oh, I see. . . Well, let me not keep you from something classified, then, Commander." He didn't fight her, didn't stop her. Instead, Harm just sat outside and watched Mac walk away. It wasn't like he could do anything about it. He had to go to Langley over the weekend and that was that.

Saturday  
July 23, 2004

0230 Local

Washington, DC

The tall Naval officer, was walking by the reflecting pool near the Washington Monument. Taking a seat on one of the benches, he sat in wait. Minutes later, a shorter, chubby man, made his way over to the officer and sat down holding a briefcase which was chained to his wrist. "You're employer is very secretive, Commander." The man said with a thick accent of unknown origin. It was a cross between French and Middle-eastern. "I normally like to know who and what I am doing business with."

The Commander just chuckled and remained sitting patiently still. "My employer is a big secret all on its own. They find it works better that way."

"And what works for you?" The man chuckled and rapped his fingers gently on the briefcase he was carrying.

The Commander shrugged and smiled. "To do what they say." Taking out a gun from his breast pocket, he pointed it at the other man. "Now, unlock the briefcase from your wrist and lock it onto mine." The man quickly did as told. "Good." Nothing else was said and no words were needed, especially since the other man was 'lucky' enough to be on the wrong side of the blast from the Commander's gun. Looking over his handiwork, the Commander stood and calmly walked out of the area. His employer would be pleased, again.

Monday  
July 26th, 2004

1040 Local

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

"We need to talk." Mac said, her Marine colonel façade perfectly rooted in place. She was getting irritated with Harm. First he promised to wait, now that she was sure that she was ready, he wasn't anywhere to be found.

Friday, before they left JAG HQ, in an attempt to smooth things over, he told her he'd call and they would have dinner. That his "classified" work wouldn't get in the way. If she recalled correctly the words he used were, "I promise won't let anything come between us seeing each other, Mac." If anything he promised to call and tell her that he was still busy, but he didn't.

Mac called, left messages and even went by his place on Sunday afternoon. His cars were there and she was sure he was home. So, dejectedly, she went back to her place with the notion that Harmon Rabb was officially avoiding her. He'd done one of the only things she swore he'd never do – break promises.

Harm glared at her intrusion and gritted his teeth. He wasn't in the mood for this or her. Between the headaches and the fact that he was sure he only slept about two hours the night before, Harm was livid. "I don't have the time now, Colonel." She HATED when he said her title with such contempt and he decided to use it as a tactic. "In case you forgot, we have court in twenty minutes and I have to pull a rabbit out of my fucking hat."

Mac just glared back, equally irritated with this complete one eighty. "What the hell is going on with you?"

Sighing, Harm slid into his chair and placed his elbows on the desk. "I am busy, Mac, can't this wait?"

"No, no, it can't, because the moment we push things aside they conveniently get left behind and I am not going there with you again." She stood at the front of his desk, her voice hard and edgy. Mac was tired of the dance, tired of being held back for whatever reasons. This time, she vowed to fight and stick to her guns, no matter how much a certain pig-headed Commander tried to hold her back.

"Mac, I have a lot of shit on my mind, I don't need you hanging around driving me fucking crazy all damn day!" He yelled in a menacing voice which did nothing more than irritate her more. "This isn't a game, okay?" And there went his headache again, slowly starting to pound. For the last month he'd have some of the worst headaches of his life. He figured they were residual, from all of the times he was banged around as a fighter pilot. Mac yelling at him wasn't going to make it any better and he was all out of aspirin. Grabbing the empty bottle off of his desk, he hurled it across the office watching the white bottle bounce off the wall and roll under his desk. "Get the hell out."

Mac gritted her teeth and flexed her fists, she wanted to slap him so badly and she did just that. Leaning forward, her hand connected with his cheek. "You are a jerk, Harmon Rabb. A self-centered, egotistical ass."

"And you're acting like a real bitch, MacKenzie." The moment the words flew out of his mouth, Harm grimaced. He wasn't the type to disrespect women, especially Mac. So he wasn't too shocked when the angry Marine slapped him a second time. He looked up at her and frowned. "Mac, I'm. . ." But she wouldn't hear the rest of it, instead, she stormed out of his office, slamming the door on her way out. "Sorry. . ." Sighing, he collapsed back into his chair and put his head in his hands. "Christ, what is wrong with me?"

1123 Local

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac was killing him, completely. Then again, it didn't help that his client, for lack of a better word, was an idiot. All of the planning, all of the guidance that Harm had given him and he still let Mac bring his guard down. True, she was pissed off at him, which meant that she was pissed off at his client. Which meant that Sarah MacKenzie, was on the warpath. His client completely fell to pieces on the stand, confessing every little last detail and even things NOT pertinent to the current case.

Harm knew he didn't stand a chance, but that didn't mean he shouldn't do the job. He stood and motioned towards Mac. "Your honor, the Colonel is clearly badg. . ." But his entire body began to betray him. Damn them, the headaches. It started pounding harder and harder until he could feel even his pulse sounding off in his head. "Sir, the Colonel. . ." He doubled over, his hand coming up to the front of his head, his other hand hoping to hold him up before he passed out.

"Commander? Are you alright?" Sebring said, momentarily standing from behind the bench. "Corporal, get him some water."

"Harm?" Mac whispered across the aisle, when he looked up and towards her his eyes were different, almost as if someone else was looking back at her, a stranger. The look frightened her.

Harm blinked a few times and tried to will the headache to stop. He felt something slimy running down his nose which he wiped with his fingers. Looking at his hand, he saw a bright red fluid. . .blood. His mind was spinning and racing at the same time, he started getting tunnel vision and before he had a chance to compose himself, his body hit the floor.

"Someone call an ambulance!" Mac yelled, coming to his aid. She kneeled next to him and cradled his head in her lap, her hands gently caressing his face. "Harm?" Sighing, all she could think about was the amount of concussions he'd confessed to having in his life. Had they finally caught up to him?


	5. This Side Of Me

PART 5 - This Side Of Me

I want to feel your hand in mine

And I want to feel that rush in my spine

I want to wear the scent of you

And do all the things you want me to

"This Side Of Me" By: Savage Garden

Monday  
July 26, 2004  
1230 Local  
Bethesda Naval Hospital  
Bethesda, Maryland

Mac sat in the waiting room, impatiently watching the nurses and doctors  
enter and exit the swinging doors to the examination rooms. They had  
wheeled Harm through emergency and was immediately taken to have blood tests  
and an MRI done. Sighing, she stood and headed to the coffee pot that was  
in a corner of the small room. She filled a styrofoam cup and sipped. With  
a wince, she sat back down, the hospital coffee, as usual, could be compared  
to jet fuel.

'Why did I have to get so pissed off at him?' She thought, kicking herself  
for not behaving better with him. Closing her eyes, she thought about her  
snapping, it was mean, but for a valid reason. They seemed to be moving  
forward and she didn't want him to pull a Harmon Rabb move and toss things  
aside.

As the minutes slowly crept by, Mac started getting more and more nervous.  
Why hadn't they come out to tell her what had happened?

"How is he, Mac?" Admiral AJ Chegwidden said, coming to a stop right in  
front of her. He waved off Mac as she tried to come to attention and  
slipped into the chair next to her. "Any news yet?"

Mac shook her head, her eyes darting downward into the cup of coffee in her  
hands. "They started the MRI about a half hour ago. . . I swear it feels  
like I've been here for days." Sure that the wisdom she was looking for  
wasn't in her cup of coffee she looked up to meet the eyes of her CO. "He's  
stubborn, sir. . . He'll be alright?" She didn't mean for her voice to so  
small and fragile, nor for her statement to come out like a question, but  
now, Sarah MacKenzie needed assurance.

AJ smiled, "Course he will." Nodding, AJ looked away for the moment. It  
wasn't in his nature to pry about his staff, especially when it came to the  
delicate nature of Harm and Mac's relationship. But, for the moment, he put  
his position on the shelf and attempted to be a friend, not their boss.  
"Mac, as a friend. . . What's been going on?"

"I don't know." She said truthfully. Over the weekend she had time to  
think about them. They were happy the weekend before, when they'd gone out  
with the girls. They'd kissed, and if she wasn't losing her knowledge of  
men, the kisses were the type that could have quickly become something more.  
They weren't the kisses meant for a one night stand, nor were they kisses  
meant to be the type you would give your sister. They had feeling in them,  
a feeling that grew beyond them. "I thought we were going somewhere. . .  
slowly but we were." Mac stared back into the coffee before taking a sip  
and continuing. "We decided to take it slow. . . or rather, I decided, and  
Harm understood, at least I thought he understood. But, then this weekend,  
he had something to do something he said was classified. He didn't call me,  
didn't return my messages. I went to see him, he didn't open the door. And  
then today. . .. . . Today we got into an argument and he called me. . .  
Well he called me a bitch and. . . Jesus, THAT wasn't Harm today. Okay, I am  
rambling." Stopping abruptly, Mac shook her head and sighed.

AJ went still in his chair, his eyes searched out Mac's holding his angry  
gaze to her hurt an confused one. "He called you a . . ." Shaking his head,  
he sighed. Now, that was certainly unlike Harm. "Are you sure?"

Mac gave him a half smile and shrugged. "I did go off on him, sir."

AJ took a deep, calming breath. "You know, Mac. . . And not to make excuses  
for him. . . You both did go through hell last year." He didn't have to say  
the word, because she knew he was referring to Paraguay. "And you had a lot  
of baggage to deal with because of it. . . You got help, you're still  
getting help and he never did."

Mac had never thought about all that. True, to her, Harm was invincible. A  
force that, unlike her, was able to deal with anything that came his way.  
But, what if Paraguay had gotten to him as it got to her? What if, he was  
dealing with his own traumatic stress by whatever means necessary? She didn  
't want to believe that he was capable of becoming that monster that she'd  
been the year before. But, she had to face it, because Harm, no matter how  
strong and capable, was only human. "I'll find out, sir."

"Colonel MacKenzie?" Dr. Ahlberg walked into the waiting area to find the  
Admiral. He, being one of the newer members of the staff, and a Lieutenant  
in the Navy, came to attention. "Sir."

"At ease." AJ smirked, it always amused him when people did their best to  
keep military formalities, even when the person seemed to know more than  
himself. "Doctor, what can you tell us?"

Dr. Ahlberg relaxed and smiled. "He's fine. . .We suspect that stress may  
have been the culprit into the Commander's fall in court today."

"What about the headaches?" Mac asked, standing next to the Admiral as her  
hands gripped her cover tightly. "He's been having them for about a week  
that I know of."

"We believe it is all related to the same issue. . . Why don't you follow me  
into my office, sir, ma'am."

Mac and AJ followed the Lieutenant down the hall and into a plush office  
where he offered them the seats across from his desk. Sliding into his own  
chair with a sigh, he opened up a file folder and pulled out the results  
from the MRI and blood tests. "See this." He said, pointing at another MRI  
that he pulled out of a drawer. "This is a person with brain trauma. . . And  
this is the Commander's." He pointed at Harm's report and circled with a  
pen certain areas. "Nothing here shows conclusive sign of any head trauma.  
. . the blood report, however, does show elevated glucocorticoid levels."

"In English, please." AJ said, with an annoyed growl. He hated when  
doctors did that crap and went into the lengthy, medical terminology, rather  
than laying it down on the line.

Dr. Ahlberg laughed nervously and cleared his throat. The looks on the  
faces of both the Admiral and the Colonel were, a bit intimidating. "Uh,  
glucocorticoids are part of the stress hormones. They also supply energy to  
the brain cells that we need for our memory to function properly. Has he  
had any problems remembering things?"

AJ shrugged and turned to Mac who was, once again, strangling her cover.  
"Well, he did forget that we were supposed to go out with his. . .uh, well.  
. . daughter last weekend." At Ahlberg's nod, Mac quickly recovered. "But,  
after a few things I mentioned, he was fine."

"I suspect being a JAG can't be all that stress free?" Ahlberg offered with  
a half smile. He grabbed the papers from Harm's results and stuffed them  
back into the folder. "I am going to give the Commander a prescription for  
Xanax. In two weeks, I want to see him and run a few more tests. . . he's  
free to go home." After jotting down the details onto a piece of paper, he  
slid it across to Mac, and smiled. "You can go spring him now, he's in room  
603 just down the hall."

Mac rose and nodded. "Thank you, Doctor." AJ followed her out and stayed  
outside while Mac walked in first to see Harm who was laying on one of the  
hospital beds. Luckily, he was the only one in the room. "Hey there,  
Sailor."

"Mac." Harm smiled at her, a smile that lit up his eyes and as quickly as  
it appeared, the smile disappeared. "I'm so sorry. . . I didn't mean to. .

Mac kissed his forehead and then kissed his lips. "I know. . . But, call  
me that again and I'll have your ass in a sling."

"Commander." Turning around Mac saw AJ, enter the room with a sheepish  
expression, apparently he'd see the PDA between the two. "I am going to  
give you a couple of days off."

Harm tried to object. "But sir."

"No objections." AJ ordered. "I know you and the Colonel have an open  
case. . . . I'll speak to Judge Sebring about the case and see if he could  
give you more time. Owen owes us a few favors, I am sure he wouldn't  
object." With a grin, he nodded at his two senior officers. "Carry on."  
Before reaching for the door, AJ turned around and looked at Mac. "Colonel,  
I expect you in the office tomorrow. . ."

Mac nodded gratefully to her CO and smiled. "Yes, sir." Turning to Harm,  
she helped him sit up and then reached for his uniform. "The doctor said I  
could spring you, so how about we go to your place, sailor?"

Harm nodded. "Sounds like a plan, as long as we get something to eat on the  
way over." With a groan, he jumped off the bed and dressed.

2245 Local

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

The ride back to Harm's proved to be a long one. Before heading towards his  
apartment, they made a quick stop at Mac's to get her a change of clothing  
and a fresh uniform for the next day. The second and third stops were made  
at the pharmacy and pizza place. Mac spent a good chunk of the afternoon  
going over cases that Jen had sent from Mac's computer at JAG ops while Harm  
was resting in his bedroom.

When Mattie and Jen had finally arrived, the four headed into the girl's  
apartment to watch the latest addition to their DVD collection, 'Hellboy.'  
Neither Mac nor Jen were big fans of the comic book heroes who were now let  
lose on the big screen, but both had to admit, it was a decent flick and the  
love story between Hellboy and Liz was funny and sweet.

After the movie was over and Harm tucked Mattie into bed, he and Mac walked  
back to his apartment and then instant that they stood right by the sofa,  
Harm had her in his arms. Harm kissed her once, twice, a third time before  
pulling back with a long sigh. "I'm sorry about what I said today. . . I am  
sorry about not being around over the weekend, things got. . . complicated."

Mac nodded. At the moment, she didn't have anything to say, nor did she  
care. His kisses had flamed the fire that she was keeping a low burn.  
Right now, it was a full inferno and she wasn't sure she wanted it to stop.  
"I talked to my doctor. . ." She said cautiously and watched him flinch.  
Every time she'd said those words, since her diagnosis, his stomach would  
tighten. Though he was the type to always hope for the best, he was waiting  
for the worst. The moment that she, just like every one he ever truly  
loved, was taken away. "And. . . I am fine. . . We can. . ." Mac bit her  
lower lip and then smiled up at him. She hoped he wouldn't back away,  
because she wasn't too sure she could take it at the moment. So, she took  
the plunge, letting her femininity lead the way. "We can. . .make love."  
Her voice came out soft and sensual and her eyes looked into his, daring  
him. With a sly grin, she placed her hands on his chest and teased his skin  
through the shirt. "I mean, if you feel *up* to it."

Harm's laugh at her innuendo went as fast as it came, he turned serious,  
seductive. Not that he needed to be seductive. As an answer, he took her  
lips with his own and kissed her with fervor. In the back of his mind, he  
was thanking every last person in the heavens for this gift, plus Jen for  
putting on some coffee earlier in the evening. Thankfully for him, the  
visit to the hospital had him feeling well again. At least, well enough  
for this. Not that he would have stopped Mac anyway.

The kisses were his response. He ran his tongue over her lower lip and then  
kissed her passionately and completely. They held on to each other, arms  
wrapped around tight and secure. Harm nibbled the curve of her jaw and then  
buried his head into the crook of her neck, which he kissed. The sensation  
sent a wave of electricity coursing through Mac's body and settling lower.  
She felt the tightening sensations in her nether regions and could not help  
but giggle at Harm's actions. "I thought Marine's didn't giggle." He said  
with a grin, which was answered with Mac licking the side of his neck and  
placing moist kisses on his Adam's apple.

Harm resumed his activity, moving kisses from her neck to her shoulder.  
Stopping for a moment, he removed her T-shirt and let it drop casually to  
the floor. He moved his head back up to her shoulder and started kissing  
his way down her arm. Mac watched him with interest, wondering where he was  
going with that and what he would do next. When he arrived at her fingers,  
he took each one into his mouth. His tongue teased the tips of her fingers,  
while his mouth sucked gently. Once done, he turned her hand over and  
kissed the palm. With closed eyes he worked his way upwards again, to her  
shoulder and then nibbled her throat, which Mac leaned her head back for him  
to explore. He gave her other arm and fingers the same treatment. This  
time Mac moaned at the sensations of Harm's mouth covering her fingers. The  
way his tongue licked at the tips made it feel as if his head was buried  
between her thighs, his tongue teasing her.

Mac didn't know how good Harm really was until she felt her bra give way  
suddenly. Somehow, he had snaked his hands behind her back and unsnapped  
the clasp. When her breasts were freed, Harm put his hands on each breast,  
completely taken with the sight of her body. It amused him to see Mac  
's skin full of goose bumps.

Mac's hands tangled in his hair as she pressed him harder to her. "Mmmm. .  
. yes." Her voice said softly when she felt his tongue on her.  
It was driving Mac insane. "Harm. . ."

Harm held on to her hips as he worked  
his mouth downward, to her abdomen, stopping at the bellybutton. His tongue  
slipped in and swirled around. His mouth stopped the venture right at the  
hem of her jeans. Harm looked up, searching Mac's eyes for the permission  
that he needed to proceed as his fingers ran right at the edge of her jeans.  
At her nod, he worked on the button and then slid the zipper down with his  
teeth, which only made Mac giggle again. He pulled her jeans and panties  
down in a few swift motions and soon was kneeling in front of Mac.

Mac watched him with interest as he licked his lips and began kissing her  
thighs. His hand would trail after his kisses, leaving her skin on fire. He  
ignored completely that part of her anatomy that was now aching to be  
touched. Chuckling at her groan of frustration, Harm rain his nails over  
her thighs and placed feather light kisses where her legs joined to her  
hips. She didn't want to beg or plead, but, Mac was getting tired of the  
teasing. She wanted him to touch, lick, nibble and whatever else he had in  
mind.

Harm could see her start to unravel, but he needed to hear what she wanted  
from him. "Tell me what you want, Sarah. . . tell me what you need."

"Harm. . . Touch me." She commanded.

And he did as she desired until her screams of pleasure echoed through his apartment.

Mac's hands tugged up his shirt, which she let drop on the floor with her  
own. Between kisses to his lips and face, she worked on his jeans. Harm  
helped her, sliding quickly out of them and stepping away. He didn't  
anticipate for Mac to push him into the sofa but the action excited him just  
a bit more. With a mischievous grin, Mac eyed him as if she were doing a  
once-over for a prize. He was sexy, hot, incredible. Even at forty, Harm  
had the body of a Greek god. Moving forward, she bent over his body and  
kissed his lips once more. As she moved lower, she licked a line from one  
shoulder, past his neck, to his other shoulder. Then she moved lower still,  
to his hard pecks which his tighter shirts had teased her with.

Eight years of  
pent up sexual frustration was finally about to be released. T He watched her, the way she  
looked when she was drawn by the heat of passion. It was better than a  
dream. Their bodies came together, her arms around him as she held on  
tight. "You're going to be the death of me, MacKenzie." Harm growled in  
her ear before kissing her neck in a spot he'd recently come to adore.

Mac chuckled and pulled away, enough so that she could face him and capture  
his lips with her own. "And you of me."

Harm looked up at her, his sea green eyes intensely trying to figure out  
what she was feeling. His hands danced up and down her back, leaving goose  
bumps in their wake. To his surprise, he found himself wanting her again.  
God, the things she did to him. Mac grinned when she felt his arousal start  
to grow under her, she looked at him and raised and eyebrow in question.  
"Again?"

He nodded and kissed her tenderly, conveying his feelings for her. "Yea,  
but I want to take it slow this time, Mac. For us to make love. . .I want  
it to last."

Even if Mac was tired, even if she had to get up early to go to work the  
next day, even if she didn't want him again, she could not say no. She  
moved off of Harm and extended a hand which he took. She moved across the  
loft and up the steps to his bedroom. The moment she stopped in front of  
the bed, he took her in his arms again, kissing her sweetly. She smiled  
against his lips. Dreams of being with Harm never were like this. Sure,  
she'd have plenty of them together, intimately, but not like this.

Harm had sometimes come across as a non-romantic, most jet jocks did. Or  
maybe it was that he hadn't found the right woman to romance? He tightened  
his hold on her and backed her into bed. He moved to his side and allowed  
for Mac to get comfortable before his body came over hers. "I don't want to  
hurt you." He said with a soft voice, referring to the weight of his body  
crushing hers.

"I want you like this, Harm." Mac told him as she tugged him towards her.  
She kissed him thoroughly, when he obliged her. "Yes. . . Harm, yes. . ."

Harm couldn't remember a time when he didn't want her like this, under his  
body, wrapped around him, giving herself to him. He poured every feeling  
that he had for her into loving her body with his.

"I love you, Harm." She whispered into his ear as she felt another wave of  
ecstasy flutter through her body. She felt him tense and then, they were  
both spent and wonderfully sated.

Harm remained inside of her, but his lips searched out her own. Between  
kisses he spoke to her in a soft voice. "I'm. . .in love. . . with you. .  
.Sarah." He stopped kissing her long enough to look into his eyes and  
convey that he meant what he said. "I'm in love with you."

Mac looked at him in awe, tears of happiness nearly threatened to spill.  
Even when he pulled himself out of her and off the bed to get blankets, she  
lay there in complete shock. For the first time in her life, she had  
everything that she wanted - comfortable shoes, a good career and a man that  
loved her.


	6. Policy Of Truth

Yay! So this story was corrupted on one disc but, not another. For those following at home - it's VERY old. I posted it yeaaaarrrs ago just not on here. So since I've made you wait so long, here is another chapter. ;)

PART 6 - Policy Of Truth

You'll see your problems multiplied  
If you continually decide  
To faithfully pursue  
The policy of truth

-  
"Policy Of Truth" By: Depeche Mode

Tuesday  
July 27, 2004

0120 Local

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Sleep was starting to become a distant memory, but he still couldn't force himself to move from her side. Smiling, Harm watched Mac sleeping, the rise and fall of her chest becoming something mesmerizing. He'd pinched himself a few times to make sure it was real and cursed whoever would try to take this miracle away from him. Silently, he yawned and contemplated for the umpteenth time, a run in the park. No, he couldn't, wouldn't leave her. So, he tried to fall asleep again, but behind his closed lids memories of a dream came to him like a film.

It was the latest in his batch of nightmares, one that haunted him whenever he went to bed really aching for Sarah MacKenzie. Tonight, although she was by his side, the nightmare did not grant him mercy.

The nightmare seemed close to one that he had had before. He was running, holding a weapon and searching for Mac. Webb was with her, holding her captive, pointing a gun to the side of her head. In anger, he told Harm to put down his weapon, which he did, for Mac's sake. The moment Harm's gun hit the floor, Webb pulled the trigger and then, seconds after, turned the gun on himself and fired. As usual, Harm sprung up in bed, sweating and breathing erratically. Mac had stirred some, but with a low voice he cooed and managed to allow her to drift back to sleep.

He wondered what the dream meant. Was it a vision into the future, or was it that he was reliving the fear that Clayton Webb was alive and coming after Mac? Sighing, he moved out of the bed and headed to the bathroom. 'Webb can't be alive.' He thought as he looked at himself in the mirror. Days of not sleeping were starting to take a toll on his appearance. Turning on the cold water, he splashed some on his face and then dried himself with one of his blue fuzzy towels. Too wrapped up in his thoughts, he barely noticed when Mac walked in until she wrapped her arms around him from behind.

"You okay?" She said between kisses to his bare back. The muscles under the skin rippling with her touch. She felt him tense at first and then loosen up. Mac smiled against his lips as he turned and kissed her. Picking her up with one swift move, he headed out of the bathroom and back to bed, where he placed her in the center and then crawled up next to her, spooning her to him. "I can get used to this."

"Good, because, I am going to find it rather hard to stop this." Harm said and the placed a soft kiss on the side of her neck. He smiled at how that move made her body quiver. "Sorry if I woke you."

Mac turned so that she lay flat on her back. She looked up at him. "You look tired, Harm. Are you okay?"

Harm shook his head. His eyes, that were alive and dancing, turned sad, scared. "Nightmare. . . I keep having these weird nightmares."

She ran her hands over his face then played with the tips of his hair. "What about?"

"They're all different. . . some me shooting at someone, some of them about. . ." He hesitated for a moment and then looked down at Mac and frowned. "Could Clay still be alive?"

Mac closed her eyes for a moment. Was she sure that Clay was dead? Truth was, no. She felt something missing on the day that she found out. It had hurt her because of the lies, because, all of his promises had vanished and yet she held out hope that they could make it. Deep inside, she knew being with Clay was a mistake, but that asinine part of herself led her down the path of another destructive relationship. "I don't know." She finally said and suddenly, she became worried. "Why?"

"Nothing, never mind." He said with a slight chuckle. "My nightmares are getting the best of me."

Mac looked into his eyes and took his face in her hands. "If he is alive, I am not leaving you. . . not for him, not for anyone else. . . you are stuck with me, flyboy." And with a kiss, she sealed the deal.

0950 Local

ZNN Headquarters  
Virginia

"Commander Rabb." Stuart Dunston stood, walked around his desk and shook Harm's hand. With a smile he offered one of the chairs across from his and told his secretary to close the door and hold all calls. "How's JAG?"

Harm was reluctant to meet with Dunston, but the message was so cryptic, that it got him intrigued. Since the Admiral had suggested he take a day off in order to straighten himself out, he opted to get down to ZNN and get things with the report over and done with. Looking around the office, not much had changed since he and Mac were there last when they were trying to court martial him. "Same ol, same ol. . . How's ZNN?"

"Same ol." The two men stared each other down. Regardless to them 'making amends', things were still a pissing contest. Stuart thought of himself as invincible and Harm, JAG's golden boy, had brought him down to the ground. "I want you to see something." Hitting a button on a remote control pad, the blinds in his office closed automatically. He hit another an on a small screen in his office, a video started to play. "I took this about a week ago."

In the video a Naval officer, definitely a Commander by the looks of the epaulets, was in some dirty business. Stuart watched the scene and then looked at Harm who was engrossed in the film. But, it was the ending of the film where the real fireworks began. There, just a few feet away from him, on a small screen, Harm saw himself. He'd killed the other man in the drug deal and then taken both the drugs and the money. "Where was this?"

"Just a few miles away from your place." Dunston said, putting the video on pause with Harm's face clearly in the frame. "I assume this is some sort of JAG investigation. . . or something to do with your. . . former employer." He was, of course, referring to the CIA.

Harm looked over at Dunston and decided to play along. "I'll need that copy, Stuart."

"Of course." Dunston stood and made his way to the VCR. "You guys should be more careful. If someone tipped me off to that. . . anyone else could have been there. May have even ruined your mission." Grinning, he took a sleeve and slipped in the tape.

Though he remained cool and calm, Harm's palms were sweating and he was starting to get nervous. Harm knew it couldn't be him because he was never in any drug deal. Nor was he working on any type of cases that had to do with narcotics. He took the tape from Dunston and stood. "Take care, Stuart."

"You too, Commander." Dunston watched Harm leave and shrugged. He knew Harm had worked for the CIA, it was evident from that C130 landing on the Seahawk what Harm had become. He found it odd that the CIA would be so sloppy about their work, but decided that it wasn't any of his business seeing as he was the one that practically got Harm canned with the company. It was something that he suffered a lot of flack for from the agency. So, this time, he decided to give the video back, it was the least he could do.

(AN: I don't remember who the reporter was on the Seahawk during the episode "Touchdown." But, for the sake of this story, it was Dunston.)


	7. A Touch Of Evil

PART 7 – A Touch Of Evil

-  
There's a touch of evil – in my mind

There's a touch of evil – in these eyes  
There's a touch of evil  
This time – A touch of evil

"Touch of evil" By: Warlock

Thursday  
July 29, 2004

2110 Local

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mattie hesitated before walking into Harm's apartment. Something was telling her not to walk in, that something terrible had happened. Removing her hand from the doorknob she started to retreat towards her apartment, but stopped abruptly. This was Harm, her guardian, the closest thing she had to a father at the moment. He would never hurt her, or Mac, or anyone else for that matter. "You're losing it Mathilda." She said out loud with a chuckle and began walking down the corridor back to Harm's door.

Opening it, she walked in and found the radio on some intense rock station and a shirtless Harm with his back turned to her. He was standing over the sink, his arms moving swiftly. The closer Mattie came, the more she smelled that unmistakable aroma of bleach. "Harm?" She said, but noticed that the music was a bit too loud, so she yelled again. "Harm?" Tapping him on the shoulder, Harm turned around. Eyes that didn't know her glared down and then slowly, realization started setting in. His brow unfurled and his frown turned into a smile.

"Hey, Kiddo, what are you up to?" He said, going back to normal again. Harm shook his head for a moment, dispersing the cobwebs that were threatening him again. Mattie shrugged and said something, something that he couldn't hear. Suddenly he had tunnel vision and a wave of vertigo. His breathing changed. He couldn't hear her, but he still smiled when she did.

"Are you alright, Harm? You look funny? You and Mac having a fight again?" Mattie grinned, she tried as much as possible to drop Mac's name in conversations. This sailor definitely needed as many hints as possible that he and Mac should be together. Maybe a bop over the head would help? Harm just nodded and she took that as reassurance. "You should open a window, that stuff can't be good for you to breathe in." She added, retreating away from the smell with a wave.

When the door closed Harm turned back to the sink and closed his eyes. His head was spinning mercilessly and he had to hold on to the counter in order for him not to fall. What was that smell? Opening his eyes, he looked down and saw a bucket with water and his white dress pants floating. "What the hell?"

Pulling the pants out of the water, he noticed a rather large pink spot that was slowly dissipating. There was a smell, not of bleach but something else. A smell that only those that fought and killed knew. A smell of death. Harm spun around, opened the drawer in his kitchen island and shook his head in shock. "It's missing." He said out loud, referring to his service weapon which was always there. Always. "Where the hell is it?" Harm hurried through his apartment, scavenging all of the areas that he might have chosen to put the weapon. Even his refrigerator was opened up and rummaged through, but the weapon was nowhere to be found.

As he made his way past the dinner table to take a look on the emergency exit of his apartment, he smelled it again - death. The smell was overwhelming him, almost making him gag. He hesitated in opening the door, but eventually, the smell went away. Harm opened the door wide and found nothing there, nothing at all. When the wind swept through the area, that nauseating smell presented itself again. Looking down, to where the dumpsters for the building were located, he saw it, a body.

After putting on a shirt and hurrying down the escape ladder, he jumped down the last few steps, stopping just ten feet away from the dumpster. Harm pulled his shirt collar over his nose, the smell was so bad, that it was making him want to vomit. Covering his mouth as best he could, Harm climbed the side of the dumpster and saw the body, it was turned over so he couldn't take a good look at the face. But, from the bulging of muscles, he could tell the person was male. Taking a deep breath, he jumped into the dumpster and turned the person over. It was then he noticed the person, Petty Officer Larson's dead eyes bore into Harm's. And there, next to the body Harm saw it, his service weapon was sticking out through the bags of garbage. "I don't understand." He said softly. Taking the weapon, he removed the magazine and took a look. There were four shots missing, shots that surely were embedded in Petty Officer Larson's chest. And sure enough, they were.

Out of nowhere, an idea shot into his head, telling him exactly what to do. Quickly, he jumped out of the dumpster with his service weapon and ran his way up the front stairs. He ran through his apartment and to his bathroom, pausing only to pick up a knife and cleaning gloves from the kitchen. In the bathroom, he took the knife and began scratching the registration number and methods of identification off of the weapon. It was a difficult task because he was shaking as he did it, so much that the knife missed, went through the gloves and left a very nasty wound on the palm of his hand. But, it didn't deter Harm from his task. If anything, it made it all the more serious. Once done, the shaking had stopped and he was in full control using rubbing alcohol which he applied to the pistol. The liquid burned into his wound, causing tears to fall through the pain. Sure that his prints were no longer on the weapon, he took a fresh towel, wrapped the weapon in it and headed downstairs. He had to get rid of it. Something inside told him that it didn't matter, that things would be taken care of, but he ignored that part. Running on autopilot, Harm could do nothing but obey, he had to get rid of evidence. He couldn't go to the brig, not again, not again. So he drove out of DC.

His plan, he had overheard while reading a newspaper with stories on gruesome discoveries. Stopping at a market away from his home, Harm bough a rather large round of meat. With the bit of rope that he had in the back of the SUV, he would tie his gun securely around the bloody meat, toss it into the ocean and pray that one of God's sea creatures would devour it. When he arrived back home, he headed towards the dumpster to rid himself of his burden. But, when he scaled the side and looked in, the body was gone.


	8. Somebody Help Me

PART 8 – Somebody Help Me  
Free me before I slip away  
Heal me, wake me from this day  
Can somebody help me?

"Somebody help me" By: Full Blow Rose – Theme Song from the Fox show – Tru Calling.

Thursday  
July 29, 2004

2215 Local  
Georgetown

"Answer. . . Damnit answer!" Harm pleaded to his cell phone as his car headed towards Georgetown. He needed to talk to her. The only person who could attempt to make him sane again.

"Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie." It had taken Mac a bit longer to get to the phone mostly because she was busy enjoying a hot bath. She figured the phone could wait, but seeing as it was the 3rd time the damned thing rang and her answering machine wasn't in the mood to take the call. . .

Harm heaved a deep breath. "Mac. . ."

His voice must have sounded strange because her immediate response was, "What's wrong?" Harm remained silent for a bit which worried her even more. "Harm? What is it?"

He took a deep breath and tried, in vain, to prevent himself from breaking down. When he saw it wasn't working, he pulled his car over and into the parking lot of one of the local financial institutions. He was no more than 5 mins away from Mac's house. "I think I killed someone."

Mac would have joked. In fact, deep inside she had an urge to laugh and tell him that it wasn't funny. But, there was an air about Harm, something in his voice that frightened her to the core. "I. . ." She was at a loss for words as her mind spun in circles. She remembered clearly the police showing up outside the Chinese restaurant and her lying to protect a man she knew was innocent. But was he really? "Harm?"

"The cops, I think they were right, I think I did kill someone. . . I found a bod. ."

Mac switched into the untrusting lawyer-mode. "Not over the phone. . . I'll go over to your place."

"I am closer to yours, at the bank you go to." He said, turning from frightened to casual again. "I'll be there in a few minutes."

"If you need me to come get you. . ."

"NO!" He interjected, his rough tone of voice scaring her. "I'll be there."

Mac took a vigil by her window, watching all of the cars that moved up and down the street. Every SUV that passed by had her on high alert. She nearly jumped out of her skin, when she heard the door open and a certain sailor let himself into her home. "You scared the crap out of me." Looking him over, she noticed his hand wrapped in some sort of cloth. "What the hell happened to your hand?"

"I cut myself." Harm's gaze fell to the ground, he looked ashamed. "I am sorry, Mac." When he looked up at her, he felt it again, the tunnel vision that seemed to suck him in. She was walking towards him, slow, seductively. Her eyes were gazing longingly into his own. God he wanted her, so much that he forgot what he was there for. "Mac. . ." His voice came as a whisper, a husky whisper and a second later, he grabbed for her, holding her slender figure against his own masculine one. "I want you."

Mac became a willing slave. She let him pull her close and hold on as if life depended on it. Her head turned up, lips longing to be kissed and savored by his and only his own. Happily, he obliged. "Yes." Was her throaty response which was answered by a kiss so hot that she felt her body much more warmer than it was before. He moved his tongue over her lower lip and pushed gently, but with urgency. Permission granted, and he slid in, searching out her own. They meshed and dueled and only pulled away when air was needed. She felt his arousal against her abdomen and it dawned on her, he was vulnerable. She had to stop him, she had to. "Not like this."

"I need you." He whispered again, his breath fanning her skin.

Mac found the strength that she really wasn't feeling and managed to push him away slightly. "Not like this, Harm. . . Not when you're like this."

Harm snapped back into reality and sighed. She was right, he knew she was. "I'm sorry." His hand came up to the side of his head, the headache was back again, pounding harder and harder.

"C'mon, lay down, I'll get you some aspirin." Mac tugged him towards her bedroom and helped him lay down. After bringing him aspirin and water, her hands worked delicately on his head, trying to ease the tension. She didn't push whatever was happening with him, she knew he'd eventually tell her. In the end, they both ended up falling asleep in each other's arms.

But his nightmares had no mercy and hours later, with all of Harm's tossing and turning, she sprung up in bed. Whatever he was dreaming was affecting him in inexplicable ways. His face looked older, harder, his body tense and rigid. She frowned and moved closer to him, hoping to soothe the monsters away with soft words and healing kisses. What he did next scared the life out of her. . .

Harm's eyes, seemingly cold and hard bore into her. They weren't the eyes of a man she fell for, instead the eyes of a stranger. "Harm?" The moment she said his name, Harm fully awoke from his slumber. His hands came around her throat and Mac was practically shoved into the mattress with his larger frame pinning her down. "Harm. . ." She choked out as vivid images of her father and Corpsman Hodge trying to strangle her came to mind.

Mac felt her head start to get light. Forcing Harm off of her only seemed to tighten the hold he had on her, so instead she opted to stay still and hope that he thought she was dead. The gamble worked for all of two seconds and a moment later, the look of a killer was back in his eyes. "Harm . . ." She said in a soft, scratchy voice and saw his eyes come back to life. He pulled his hands away from her and looked down in shock.

"Mac?" Harm looked down. Mac was enduring several coughing fits, trying to get her throat working properly again. "Oh God." He said in disgust. Mac's eyes searched his own and relayed an angry message. He tried hoping out of her bed and fleeing the scene, instead, he felt his body weak, tired. So tired that he hit the floor. Looking up he saw his Marine come stalking towards him, so he did the only thing he could think of. Hoping that she wouldn't beat the life out of him, Harm curled up into a ball in the corner. His body started shaking fiercely, tears started streaming out of his eyes.

But Mac wasn't angry nor on the war path, she simply didn't understand what had happened. "Harm?" Concerned, she came to his side, dropping to her knees. She wasn't afraid of him, and she didn't know why, considering the man just tried to kill her. Shaking her head, she pushed that thought aside. "Harm?"

"What's happening to me?" Was his reply, his eyes looked into hers, pleading for help and understanding. "What is happening to me. . .I'm. . . Losing control."

Mac shook her head. She didn't know, couldn't know. Had all of the years finally made him snap? Had she? "Has this happened before?"

Harm's eyes fixed to a spot on her neck where the imprint of his figures were. He reached out and softly grazed his hand over the area, horrified. "I did that. . ." He said in disgust and then stood. "I have to go. . . I can't believe I came here." He tried to move, but a wave of vertigo had him sitting at the edge of the bed.

"You aren't leaving, not until you tell me what the hell is going on!" She yelled at him and saw his tall, normally confidant self curl back into a ball. Mac just watched him, what had happened to him. "What's happening to you?"

Harm shook his head. "I don't know. . ."

"Has something happened to you recently?" She paused and looked away. "Is it me?" Her voice sounded so small and fragile. They could not have come this far to have it all end like a snap. No, that wasn't possible, life couldn't be that cruel.

"No. . .It isn't you. . ." Harm was doubtful, what if his dealings with Mac had made him snap Men had killed for love before and their reason being that they just didn't want to share that person with anyone else. If he had killed those men, did he do it with Mac in mind? No! Because he wouldn't do something that would turn Mac away from him. "Maybe I am delusional? Maybe this. . . stress issue is destroying me?" He looked up at her with a sad, broken expression. "What if I am losing my mind, Mac?" He rubbed his head again, the headache never went away.

She ran her hand up the base of his neck and applied slight pressure to his head. "They're getting worse aren't they? The headaches?"

Her touches relaxed him a bit. "Ever since that weekend I was away. . ."

Mac slid next to him. When he was away? Right! That 'classified' work at Langley, an idea popped into her mind. "When you were at Langley, did something happen?"

Harm looked at her, confused. "What would the CIA have to do with this?"

"Well, you worked for them for half a year. . ."

Harm shook his head. "There you go with conspiracy theories again."

One of the things she disliked about Harm was how he seemed to dismiss a lot of her thoughts. It irritated her at times. With a sigh, Mac said, "And they've all been right. Sadik, Van Dyne. . ."

Holding his hands to his head, Harm could do nothing more than agree. "Okay, okay. . . But it's not like we can just look into it."

"Maybe you can?" Mac looked at him for a moment, his eyes looked like those of a man who was an addict of some sort of narcotic.

Harm sat there for a moment, trying to compose himself. He felt the headache start again, along with a cold feeling through his body that he could not control. Whatever was going on with him, he felt it was pertinent for him not to be around people that he cared about. So, he left and she didn't give him an argument. Mac knew Harm's stubborn side would not allow him to stay with her if he thought he'd hurt her. So, she just let him go, praying he'd be alright and figuring that she may have to take matters into her own hands.


	9. Operation: Mindcrime

PART 9 – Operation: Mindcrime

-  
Operation : Mindcrime  
Make something of your life boy  
Let me into your mind  
Operation : Mindcrime  
There's a job for you in the system boy  
With nothing to sign

"Operation: Mindcrime" by: Queensryche

Thursday  
July 29, 2004

0250 Local

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

"You will not say a damned thing Petty Officer." Harm said, pointing his weapon and pulling the trigger four times. Petty Officer Larson's body fell limp, in the alley just outside of Harm's apartment. The body he was going to dispose of properly, but, he had no time and he knew it. Using a few muffled curse words, Harm grabbed the body, dragged it through the alley next to his house and tossed it into the dumpster along with the weapon. "I'll come back for you later, don't go anywhere." He said with a laugh and then headed up the steps to his apartment to call them for clean up. . .

"No!" Shooting up in bed, Harm nervously looked around. Feeling physically sick, he rolled out of bed, ran to the bathroom and retched. The dreams were getting worse, each one in far more gruesome detail, each one about him being the killer. He looked at himself through the mirror, the appearance seemed broken, out of place. Grabbing a toothbrush and paste, he cleansed his mouth and then splashed some water on his face. "They're just dreams. . . I couldn't have. . . No. . . Oh, God what is happening to me?"

"Still don't have a clue what's going on do you?" A voice said from inside of his apartment. Quickly, Harm made it towards his bedroom and stopped close to the louvered windows. "They aren't going to tell you what it is, no matter what strings you pull, Harm."

"Who, who's there?" Harm held his head. Was he going crazy now? Is that the way things happened before he went completely out of his mind? You would envision yourself doing heinous things and then you ended up in the loony bin?

"You aren't going crazy." From out of the shadows a man made his way up the stairs of his room and towards Harm. It was Clayton Webb. "Whatever you heard about me, wasn't true."

Harm just stared, too many times had he been teased and tempted with people that weren't really alive, was this the case as well? "You're dead." Frightened, he moved backwards, the back of his legs hitting the bed, causing him to stumble into it. "We were at your funeral."

Webb shrugged. "Hard man to kill." Sitting on the edge of Harm's bed, Clay looked down at the ground and sighed. "I faked my death, Harm."

Harm reached out and touched the agent and was suddenly surprised to find that Clay, was indeed, real. "How? . . . Why?"

"They were using me, the same way they are using you." Clay stood and turned towards Harm. "I know what they are doing to you and I am going to help before your career goes down the drain."

Harm looked at the agent with uncertainty. "Why should I trust you?"

"Because, Sarah made me promise, that if anything happened to her, I'd make sure you were alright." Clay sighed and paced the space, not looking at Harm as he spoke. "She loved you even when she was with me. All I wanted was for her to be happy and though I hate to admit it, YOU make her happy, Harm."

Harm chewed on that for a moment. He didn't want to think that he had somehow gotten between Clay and Mac's relationship (*cringe*), but it had happened before. Why was it that everyone seemed to see that they were so in love with each other, except for themselves? "C'mon Clay, we'll talk over coffee."

After preparing coffee and finding something to eat for Webb, Harm stood on the other side of the kitchen island, staring at the agent. He looked thinner, older even. "The video Dunston had, the cops that met you outside of that restaurant last week, I tipped both of them off." It was an idea Clay had that should have worked better. His idea was for Harm to become suspicious and search the truth out for himself. He'd decided to come out of the shadows when he found Harm and Mac dating. He couldn't wait for Harm to figure things out because he knew it would put Mac in danger, so he decided to step up.

"I don't understand. . . what's going on, Webb?" Harm reached inside the fridge and took out a box of left over pizza which Webb didn't even bother to wait for him to heat up.

As he ate, Clay told him what was going on, a project the CIA was working on called: Mindcrime. The project was originally worked on as an agent training device. Through time, the agency liked the effectiveness of it and started implementing it to its members who were reluctant to become field ops but had what it took to get the job done. It pushed them to do the dirty work the agency needed done and the agent would not have any memory about it.

"So, because you were too damned heroic for your own good, they figured they could use you in a different capacity." Webb offered with a frown. "They did it to me once before, Harm. . . I know about the headaches, the nightmares, the mood swings, the aggression."

Harm's face fell sullen. The aggression, yea he knew about the aggression, too well. With disgust, he turned and stared out into the streets, his head hanging low in shame. "Mac and I were together. . .I nearly strangled her. . . She's alright though, she just wants me to be okay." Both men were quiet for a moment before Harm stood and refilled the coffee for the both of them. "What exactly is Mindcrime? How does it work?"

"They inject you with some sort of neurological agent that alters the serotonin levels in the brain. After that, they put you into this machine that looks like something out of an arcade." Taking a sip of his coffee, Clay paused for a moment. "Anyway, they put you in there and according to what I was able to dig up, the machine shows you images of scenarios they want you to do."

"You said they inject people? Why don't I have any tracks?" He looked down at his arms and then back at the agent.

Clay sighed. "When a junkie wants to hide his tracks from someone where can you inject it?"

"Back of the knees." He rubbed his hand on the area and noted a change in his skin there. Harm nodded though non of it really made sense. "Sounds like something out of a sci-fi novel."

"The nightmares you are having are of things you either did or are going to do, Harm. The headaches are a withdrawal of sorts from the chemicals." Clay said in a sad voice. "One of the agents that got out told me that he had a nightmare that he was killing his wife and it ended up being something they made him do."

Harm couldn't fathom the CIA to be so ruthless. "Why?"

Clay shook his head. "He would tell her everything, she just knew too much." He didn't want to let Harm know what he was really thinking about, but he had to and there was no easy way around it. "Mac might be in danger, Harm. . . I know that if someone finds out I told you all of this, they'll come after you and likely her."

"Does anyone know that you are alive?"

Clay shook his head and frowned. "No. . . and after tonight, I am leaving the country. . . I'll give you the info you need, but I can't help you more than that." Standing up, he handed Harm a manila envelope full of pages. "Tell her I am sorry." With that, Clay grabbed his coat and headed towards the door. "Take care of her, Harm and thanks for everything."

Harm didn't say anything at all, he just looked on as Clay left his apartment. Secretly, he wished the agent luck. Grabbing his keys, he decided it was time he filled Mac in. He knew he was playing with fire in regards to her and how much she knew. But, he needed her and he knew that she wouldn't just sit back and do nothing. He only hoped that in the end, they would both be alive.


	10. Eyes Of A Stranger

PART 10 – Eyes Of A Stranger

People always turn away

From the eyes of a stranger

Afraid to know what lies behind the stare

"Eyes Of A Stranger" By: Queensryche

Thursday

July 29, 2004

0400 Local

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

It's not that she didn't want to believe him. It's not that she hadn't wished for a different fate for the agent, but Mac simply couldn't fathom that Clayton Webb was alive and well and that she wasn't the first one he came to. "I am having trouble believing you, Harm." Then there was the story about some arcade machine screwing with people's minds. The whole thing sounded orchestrated though she couldn't fathom why Harm would invent something as stupid as that. It was something that not even Bud, on his biggest sci-fi kick, would dream of.

Harm sat patiently on the couch, watching her pace back and forth. "Why would I lie about this?"

"I didn't say you were lying." With a sigh, she sat next to him and tried searching his eyes for an answer that they weren't giving. "Look, Maybe something is going on with the CIA. . . But, doesn't mean Clay is alive."

"Mac, how the hell else would I get these files?" He raised the folder up and watched as she took them and placed them on the coffee table. She was giving him a sympathetic look, the type you give to people who weren't too stable with their mental health. "I am not going crazy! I saw Clayton Webb. . . I touched the man."

Mac moved the hair out of her face and tucked the strands behind her ears. She was trying to mask the anger that she was feeling at the whole situation. It wasn't anger towards Harm, just angry in general. He was a good man that didn't deserve to go through whatever it was he was going through. And it's not that she didn't want to believe him, but the story was just too wild to be true. Things about chemicals and body's that went missing. . . Facts turned to fiction. 'Maybe if he rested things would be better?' She thought, realizing that neither of them had slept much that night. And, by the looks of Harm, he was more sleep deprived than she. "Harm, it's late. . . Let's get some rest and tomorrow we'll go over those, I promise." Her eyes went between the folder on the table to Harm's eyes. He looked so sad and tired that all she wanted to do was crawl up in bed with him and kiss away his problems. Sigh, if only things were that simple. "Let's get some rest."

But Harm shook his head. "How could you invite me into your bed, into your home after what I nearly did to you?" His eyes traced her neck to where a small mark of where his hands had squeezed. He felt so disgusted with himself that the thought nearly made him puke.

"That wasn't you. . . You'd never hurt me." Mac was sure of that, sure that he wouldn't hurt her that way. Some would have thought of her as crazy for wanting to care for him so much after he nearly killed her. But, she loved him, and that alone was reason to try and help him, no matter how crazy his story got. She would help him or die trying. "C'mon flyboy." Extending her hand, she was pleased when he grabbed on and allowed for her to lead him through the apartment and into the bedroom. He shivered at the closeness they shared. A closeness that went far beyond intimate contact. It was love. He was in love with her and she was in love with him. As they lay together, he let her try to fix him.

Mac held him close, cooing gently words to wash away his tension and they both drifted to sleep. But, the peace didn't last long for nearly an hour after she thought he was asleep, Harm sprang into life. He slid out of her arms, and she watched him stand, thinking he was going to the head. Instead, he started dressing. "Harm? What are you doing?" Harm didn't respond, just methodically slipped his clothing on. It was like watching a zombie.

Finally, Mac moved out of bed and placed a hand on his arm. When he stopped and looked at her, even through the darkness of the room, she could see a cold stare in his eyes. Even his face had hardened. Harm took on the look of a killer, a man angry with life, with the world. She took a step back, recalling that same look when he'd tried to strangle her. "Harm?" She asked softly, but he didn't respond, instead he just shoved her out of the way and stalked out of her apartment. That night, he never returned. . .

0850 Local

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac was on the phone when she saw Harm walk out of the Admiral's office and pass her own. He didn't stop by as was the norm, nor did he even bother casting a glance her way. She wondered when he had arrived and how he'd snuck by her. "It's Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie, JAG Headquarters. . . I need to meet with the director." She held her breath for a moment and rolled her eyes, Kershaw's secretary was driving her nuts. "No, not Mackinly. . .MACKENZIE! Capital M, lower case-A-C, Capital K, lower case-E-N-Z-I-E. . ." She let out a deep breath and resisted the urge to bang the receiver against the side of her desk. "YES he knows who I am. . . Yes, I'll hold."

Frowning, she waited while the secretary did whatever she was doing. 'Probably getting clearance.' She thought, shaking her head at nothing in particular and bringing up her hand to her head. Mac felt awful, lack of sleep not making anything easier for her. Harm had left in the middle of the night, with no goodbye, no words. He just literally pushed her out of his way and stalked out. She tried calling both his cell phone and home phone, neither answered. She tried driving to his apartment, but he wasn't there. One of the things that she promised herself was not to give up on them and wherever they were going. But, it was difficult when some pig headed sailor was trying to shut her out. "Thank you." Finally the woman had given her a time that she could expect to meet with Kershaw.

Standing, she headed out of her office, through the bullpen and down the corridor to Harm's office. The door was closed, which was rather odd, seeing as Harm usually kept his door open. Mac knocked once, twice, three times before the door opened almost magically. She took that as an invitation and stepped in to find Harm standing by the window looking out. All of the feelings she had to bitch him out came to screeching halt when she saw his shoulders slumped. "Hey Sailor."

"Colonel." Almost immediately, he regained his composure, standing ramrod straight but still looking out the window. "What can I do for you this fine morning?" His voice was icy, almost dismissive.

Mac noticed the files on his desk. They were the same ones that he claimed Webb had give him. "What is going on?"

"Nothing is going on." His words came out in a monotone, almost as if someone were telling him what to do or say. But, it was when he turned around and faced her that Mac saw that look in his eyes again. Mac stood her ground though ever fiber in her being was telling her to run. "I am just trying to do my work without you people bothering me all the fucking time."

Mac shook her head, it wasn't like him to talk to her that way. It was the same thing that had happened that day before court. She was waiting for him to raise his hands up to his head, for them to have to rush him to the hospital. But, it didn't happen, instead he turned back to the window and then looked at his watch. "What the hell is going on with you?" Her voice was barely a whisper, but she saw him jump as if he were startled. "Damnit, Harm, talk to me!"

"Stay away, MacKenzie." His voice was low, menacing, angry.

Mac glanced down at the files on his desk again. Was the CIA really involved? Did they do something to him? Was Webb really alive? Was Webb the one that turned Harm into whatever he'd become? She had so many questions and few ways to find answers. "What's happening to you?"

Harm shrugged and turned around to look at her. Casually, he slid behind his chair and smiled. It wasn't his dazzling smile, in truth, the smile gave her chills and not the good type of chills either. "Nothing. . . I am fine."

It was probably a stupid idea, considering that the man across from her looked more unstable than anything, but still, she walked around his desk and leaned against the top. If his eyes could be menacing, she would do the same thing. "At four in the morning you wanted me to believe you. . . that Clay was alive and that some video game had screwed with your mind, now you are fine?"

"It's bullshit Mac. . . all of it." But his voice was less than believable. "I was just messing with your mind."

Mac took a good look at him. He looked awful, bags under his eyes, his uniform, if she took a good look, seemed slept in. He wasn't even properly shaved. "You need help, Harm." She tried pleading with him and the moment that she reached over to run a hand over his face, Harm stood quickly and moved away from her, almost afraid of her touch.

"Don't touch me." He commanded, eyes glaring into her own. With that, he moved forward, practically marching towards Mac which had it's desired effect: she backed off. "Get out of my office, MacKenzie and I'll advise you to keep this crazy story to yourself."

Mac nodded. "Whatever you say, but it isn't ending here. . . I will not see your life go down the drain! Of that you can count on, Commander." She slammed the door and headed back towards her office. She had a meeting to get to that would hopefully answer her questions.


	11. Not Like The Other Girls

PART 11 – Not Like The Other Girls

No more blame

I am destined to keep you sane

Got to rescue the flame

Got to rescue the flame in your heart

No more blood

I will be there for you, my love

I will stand by your side

"Not Like The Other Girls" By: Rasmus

Thursday

July 29, 2004

1000 Local

CIA Headquarters

Langley, Virginia

Mac sat outside, waiting for Shelly, Kershaw's secretary to let her in. While she waited, she couldn't help but wonder how many women went as far as she did for the men that they loved? She knew that she probably should have gone straight to Chegwidden, but past references told her it was a bad idea. Especially after the whole problem with Harm the year before. The two men seemed to have an understanding about the ordeal, but as far as Harm had told her, he and AJ never had that 'father and son' chat about it. But then again, she was a Marine designed to tackle things head on.

As she sat, thinking of several different things, she couldn't help but think of Simon, the MI6 agent she and Harm met during and investigation. Too much time in the business had made him lose the edge and become a loose cannon. If Webb was alive, was the same thing happening? Had he, for some reason, decided to come after her and Harm? Men were often territorial and she wondered if Webb's appearance was because she and Harm were finally and item. Strangling her cover a bit tighter, she couldn't help but shiver at the thought of allowing herself to give into someone like Webb. It wasn't that he was a bad guy, but he certainly wasn't her type. She realized, sometime after his death, that she was duped into being his. He'd used her when she needed consoling after she found out that Harm had joined the company. The nights that she couldn't sleep due to nightmares of something happening to him, Clay was there. He used her guilt against her. In hindsight, she wasn't sure what she felt for the agent. Was it love? Yes, but there was a difference between loving someone and being IN LOVE with someone. Where she loved Clay, she was in love with Harm. She smiled when she thought of their first time together. He was sweet, caring, considerate and incredible. Just as she felt the rush come to her cheeks, Shelly called her into the office.

"Colonel." Kershaw stood in the office, waiting for Mac to enter. Once she did, he politely took her hand and shook it then offered on of the chairs across from his desk. "Pleasure as always." He took a look at Mac for a moment. She was an attractive woman, he always thought. Too attractive to wear such a drab uniform. Clearly he saw why Clay had wanted her for that mission in Paraguay, he practically grinned at the thought. "What can I do for you?"

"I am here about a former, Agent." She said, clearly not in the mood to beat around the bush.

"Who?"

"Clayton Webb."

Kershaw sat silently for a moment. Her request for information on Clayton Webb took him by surprise. "Classified, Colonel."

Classified, nothing new there. She knew how they worked so she was prepared with a counter. "I happen to think that he is still alive, sir." She lied, but maintained as professional as possible.

The fact that Kershaw's eyebrows hit his hairline amused Mac. Apparently, he was just as surprised as she was to entertain the notion that Webb was still alive and kicking. "Excuse me?"

"I know you think he is dead, but . . ." Purposely she trailed off, trying to use her skills as a lawyer to get Kershaw to mess up and say something that would lead her to believe that Webb was, indeed alive.

Kershaw glared her down. "But?"

"Commander Rabb spoke with him last night."

"I see. . ." He sat in silence with his hand wrapped around a pen that he was nervously clicking.

Mac watched the man for a moment, he was practically emotionless except for the pen clicking. "Is he alive sir?"

A moment ago Kershaw would have said, 'no.' But, he knew that if anyone would know Webb's whereabouts it would be Mac. Rogue agents had a tendency to go back to their loved ones, which always ended up the same way – with said agent getting caught. "We aren't sure, Colonel. . . Reports indicate that he is dead, but the body was in the ocean, it's very difficult to tell."

According to the reports she had dug up, the body had not been in the ocean that long to be classified, what forensic pathologists would call a 'floater.' The term usually categorized bodies that were in water so long, that the skin tissue started to decompose. Sometimes, the bodies, depending on the length of time that they were in the water, would be in such bad shape, that the person was unrecognizable. She was tempted to say something about having found the death report, instead, she chose to ignore it. "Thank you."

But, before Mac could stand up and leave, Kershaw sat her back down with a simple question. "Colonel, why are you so interested in this?"

Mac grimaced. She knew she couldn't say what she was looking into. Had something psychologically wrong been happening to Harm she wasn't about to let the world in on it and damn his career. "Clayton Webb was. . . a friend."

Kershaw nodded slowly. The possibility of Clay being alive sounding more and more probable. "Maybe he went rogue and is coming after you."

"What makes you think that he would come after me?" Mac nearly snorted at the comment.

"According to Intel, he was much more than a friend, Colonel. . ." Kershaw couldn't avoid smirking if he wanted to. According to intel, he knew a bit more than he should about the Webb and MacKenzie paring. "We know you two were together. . . so it makes me rather curious as to why you are really here."

Mac glared at the man. Was he accusing her of something that she didn't even have part in? "Excuse me?"

"Well, am I dealing with a case of a stolen identity, or is there a rouge agent out there who faked his death in order to come back to his girlfriend?" Kershaw asked a bit too sure of himself. But, then again, Kershaw knew Webb and recalled how much he pleaded his case into taking a female Marine JAG lawyer on a mission with him. He didn't really understand the insistence until he managed to see Mac out of uniform. Men had done silly things for women before, Webb could have certainly done the same for Mac.

Mac's face grew sullen. She didn't need Kershaw thinking that she was a part of Webb's faked death. And as much as she could have sworn that Webb would never do something against his country, at he moment, she wasn't too sure. "I don't think that Agent Webb would skirt the duties to his country and his job just to be with some woman."

"What if there is a bit more to the dynamic?" At Mac's expressionless face, Kershaw grinned again. "What lengths would he go to if. . . oh, let's say, he found you with someone else?"

Mac swallowed hard. Did everyone just assume that she and Harm were together? How had they been so oblivious to it for so many years? So, she decided to play stupid. "I. . .Sir?"

"Colonel, I suggest if either you or Commander Rabb make contact with Agent Webb again, that you report it immediately. . .If he is alive and is out there, I can only imagine what his plans are. . ." Standing up, he headed around his desk and to a small refrigerator that he had in his office. He took out a bottled water and downed some of it before turning back to Mac. "You and the Commander did a fine job in Paraguay and with Sadik Fahd." He was slightly amused that the big bad Colonel winced so easily at the mention of Paraguay. "We wouldn't want to lose two outstanding Military officers because of one washed up, rogue agent."

"Yes, sir." Mac agreed, though she didn't want to think of Clay as Rogue. "Thank you for your input." She left the office and headed towards her Corvette. Something was wrong and she could sense it. That something pertained to Harm, she was sure of it. And, after the drive from Langley to Harm's apartment, Mac was horrified to find his apartment a total mess.

Clothing, books, pots, pans and everything else that wasn't bolted down were thrown all over his place. Grabbing her cell phone, she called the police and then JAG ops in hopes of letting Harm know what had happened. He wasn't there. According to Coates, Harm had gone to a meeting of sorts and would not be back.

0020 Local

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

The rest of the day had been hell for Mac. The Admiral was angry at her for ditching her responsibilities in order to deal with something unrelated to her case loads. So, as punishment, she was left to finish working on her cases and some of Harm's. It was nearly eleven thirty when she finally finished.

Inside her darkened apartment, Mac plopped down on the sofa. Was this all some elusive nightmare? No, it couldn't be, even in dreams things weren't this screwed up. "Why did you go to them, Sarah?" Mac jumped and tried to reach for her side arm which was laying on her table. But, she reached too late and moment later, Clayton Webb was pinning her down on the sofa. "You've put us all in danger. . ."

"Clay. . ." Mac gasped, looking up at the face of a living ghost. She shook her head, sure that her mind was playing tricks on her. Clay was dead, she knew he was. . . she sensed it, didn't she? She was mesmerized.

Clay practically chuckled at her look, which was the same Harm had given him the night he appeared in his apartment. "I am real. . . I am here. . . and you have to go with me now." The amusement in his eyes changed into something serious and frightening.

Mac snapped out of it rather quickly. "What?"

Moving off of her, Clay stood and tried to pull her up, but she resisted. "You need to leave now. . . You're in danger, Harm put you and him in danger." Angrily, he sat on the edge of the coffee table and looked at her. "He shouldn't have told you about me. . .You shouldn't have gone to see Kershaw."

Mac stared blankly at the agent. "I. .I don't understand."

"And you never will. . . C'mon we have to go now." Clay stood and tried tugging Mac, but she again resisted.

"I am not going anywhere." She yelled back at Clay, snaking her hand out of his grasp.

He tried again. "You have to trust me."

And failed when she stood and moved around her sofa, effectively putting it between the two of them. "This from a man that has lied to me on more than one occasion." She accused, pointing her finger at him

Her eyes were angry, if Clay was right, she hated him at this point. "I deserved that, but it was for your own good."

"For you to pretend you were dead? How was that for my own good?" Instinctively, she brought her hands across her chest, tucking them under her breasts.

"So that they couldn't come after you.. . . so they wouldn't know how involved we were."

Mac chuckled angrily. "I have news for you Webb, they knew. . ."

Stopping, Clay sat down on the arm of one of her chairs. He figured, that in some way the agency probably knew about his involvement with the Marine, but he prayed that they would never find out. For the most part, he did a good job covering his tracks. "I am sorry, Sarah. . . Maybe I should have tried to contact you sooner."

"Why have you resurfaced?" Her voice lost it's edge, if anything, she sounded like she still cared about him.

"Everything that happened in Paraguay was out of my control. . . and it has been out of my control until now. . . They were doing the same thing to me, Sarah. . . The mind control, only I found out and faked my death to break away." Clay rambled, but it didn't get the desired effect. If anything, it angered her again.

"I don't believe you."

So he tried a different tactic, talking about Harm usually worked with Mac. "I know about the headaches he has. . .it's a withdrawal."

Mac furled her brow. Withdrawal? What the hell would Harm have withdrawals from? "From what?" In her initial conversation with Harm, he'd mentioned that little bit.

"The chemicals they inject into him in order to get what they need done. . . From the machine, your body starts to crave it and eventually there will be nothing left." But the impact that Clay was looking for didn't register in Mac's features. Harm had told her something similar and Clay's version sounded even more ludicrous and dramatic. "I've seen agents, good agents being used. . . eventually the brain can't take it anymore."

Mac didn't want to believe that the circumstances Clay had spoken were true. Maybe Clay had lost his mind, maybe he had even done something to make Harm lose his mind, but she wasn't going to be the next victim. "You said injections, Harm doesn't have tracks."

"He does, on the back of his knees where people won't see them." Before she had a chance to ask about people finding the marks, he clarified. "Fit reps, physicals, any other medical overview would be tampered with."

But, then again, maybe Clay was telling the truth. The whole thing was a bit too elaborate for someone mentally unstable to make up. For the first time since the conversation started, Mac was unsure. "How long have they been on to him?"

Clay hesitated for a moment and then looked away when he said, "After Paraguay. . ."

"There is something you aren't telling me."

"It's nothing important."

Mac moved swiftly around the sofa and trapped the agent between the chair and herself. "I want to know everything damnit! You can't just waltz back into my life with some crazy story and not tell me what is going on!" In anger, she grabbed his shirt and pushed Clay into the chair. "Tell me, damnit!!"

Cowering, Clay looked up at her, seeing the fire in her eyes. One that he had seen in small amounts during past arguments. "They wanted to use you. . ." He confessed, referring to Mac and how well she had handled herself, "Back in Paraguay you did good. . .So they wanted to use you."

"As their new recruit you mean?" She said and he nodded the affirmative. "What aren't you telling me, Webb?"

He tried to remove her hands from his shirt but only succeeded in her grip tightening, he knee threatening to crush his family jewels. "I may have suggested for them to use Harm. . . That's why the Admiral didn't take him back. . . they wanted you and I bargained for him."

At that Mac let him go and backed off, tears suddenly appeared in her eyes. All the times she had blamed herself and even blamed Harm for not trying harder in getting his job back at JAG after the Paraguay issue. All the times that she sat up in bed cursing the heavens for allowing Harm to join the CIA. And now she had a face to give the problems of the past.

"You have to have seen something in him that was different. The way he acted. . . something."

Mac thought back to the past year, the extra snipping and bantering that was less than fun or amusing. The time in court he'd brought her alcohol abuse up in front of everyone. The way he zealously kept her out of his life during his time with the CIA. Mattie, how he all but hid the teenager away until he needed her. Her relationship with Webb, everything had been a lie, all part of the game. "How could you?"

"Sarah. . .I couldn't let them get to you." He defended, which, in part was the reason. During the mission he had fallen for Mac and loathed Harm for fixing the problem and effectively destroying his career in the agency.

Mac wiped the tears and reached for the phone. "I'm giving you sixty seconds to get out of here Webb. . ."

"What are you doing?"

Turning towards him, she gave him a look that would have killed even Superman. "Calling the authorities. . . You are trespassing in my home." She pointed at him and then motioned for the door.

Defensively, Clay stood and made his way over towards Mac, attempting to stop her. "Are you crazy? They'll have me killed."

Mac just glared at the agent and that moment, he wisely chose to back off. "At this moment, I don't care. . ."

"Sarah . . ." He pleaded, fruitlessly.

"Forty five seconds now, Webb. . ." Mac said, her internal clock ticking away the seconds.

Without a word, he headed towards the door but then turned back. "You're making a mistake."

"No, I am saving myself from making another one with you. . ." And when he left and closed the door, Mac let out a breath she was holding. "Director, this is Colonel MacKenzie. . . Clayton Webb has just left my apartment, sir."


	12. Hollowman

PART 12 – Hollowman

Maybe I am broken and I can't be fixed

Misunderstood, Misguided, Misfit

I'm it

Oh is there no way out?

I am, I am, I am

Hollowman

"Hollowman" By: Econoline Crush

Friday

July 30, 2004

0650 Local

CIA Headquarters

Langley, Virginia

Harm's head was pounding again, threatening to burst at any moment. Or so he thought. As his senses slowly started coming to, he heard voices, muffled, frantic and saying something that sounded like, "He's waking up." When he finally focused with his eyes, he glanced around noticing the white sterile room and a machine that looked like an oversized arcade game.

He tried to move, but something kept him from doing so. Looking downwards, despite the sense of vertigo, Harm found his hands bound to the arms of the metal chair he was on. He flexed his hands a few times and then tried, without much success to undo the restraints. Getting a better look, he noticed that he was not wearing his uniform, but a plain white hospital gown. "Where. . . Where am I?" He managed to choke out, his throat dry and non-responsive.

Instead of getting a verbal reply, the one that he received was in the form of a painful jab to the back of his knee. He groaned against the sensitive skin that had received already too many injections. In his blood, he felt the chemical moving, burning through his veins and pumping through his heart. For a moment, he was sure that he was going to die. He screamed in pain and choked back the tears. He decided it was a dream, it had to be. "One, two, three. . .WAKE UP." He screamed but received no reprieve. "One. . . TWO. . . THREE. . . WAKE. . ." Just then the chair started moving forward towards the 'arcade machine.'

It slid into the machine, which encased him like a cocoon. He'd been used to small places, plane cockpits didn't exactly have much room to move. But there was something about the machine that was making him claustrophobic. He sat in there silently, with only his heartbeat sounding off in his ears, telling him that he was still alive. The pain from the injection had subsided. It took only a few moments longer for the machine to come alive and give off a bluish hue from some sort of electrical part inside of it. Harm tried to angle his head to get a better position to see where the light was coming from, but the machine had a different idea. A 'U' shaped mechanical arm came out in front of him. The arm then quickly slid into place over his forehead, slamming the back of his head against the back of the chair. He tried to move his head, but it was bound tightly. "Damnit!!! I am a Commander in the US Navy, whoever you are, you can't do this!! You can not do this! People will come looking for me!" The lights inside the machine turned off and Harm sat there quietly, wondering what was going to happen to him now. Was it some torture device? If so, who captured him and why? Before he had a chance to ponder another question, the machine came to life again. Yet another mechanical arm moved towards his face holding a device similar to those used in the optometrist office. As images started being played before his eyes, the need to resist became less and less pertinent. All he could do was obey. In the images he saw himself and a pretty woman with olive skin and beautiful brown eyes. She was a Marine Lt. Colonel, or so the oak leaves on her uniform told him. There was a file of importance and a gun shot to her chest, over the heart. Harm grinned, this was going to be so easy for him.

0730 Local

CIA Headquarters

Langley, Virginia

Mac had spoken to Kershaw three times since Clay had disappeared from her house. He swore they were doing everything possible to locate him. Agents were put close to her building on the off chance that Clay would show up again. It was finally close to six thirty in the morning when someone from Langley called her to come in. So she did. "Damnit, Harm, where are you?" She said softly after she had dialed his cell phone number for the fifth time that day. Mac was worried about him. What if Clay had indeed gone off the deep end and decided to take Harm with him? She frowned at the thought of losing Harm when they finally had gotten somewhere.

"Colonel, come with me."

The agent that had come to get her looked more like a wrestler. Well, it was definitely an interesting contrast to the bubblegum popping newbie's that were getting their souls sucked out by the agency. But, that was the price paid for serving one's country. Or so they thought.

Mac and the agent walked through a long corridor that ended in front of black doors that belonged to an elevator. She turned and looked at the agent and then back to the doors. Why did she feel like something strange was going to happen? "Agent, what's going on?"

The Agent didn't say a word and only moved foreword, using a key to open up a small panel. He, entered in a code. 0690 Mac noticed and committed it to memory. Something told her she should be on high alert. "After you, Colonel." The agent ushered her into the elevator and Mac stepped in only to be left inside all alone.

"What the hell?" She said out loud as she moved toward the elevator buttons. She tried punching the 'open' button, but the contraption was unresponsive. It's then that she felt the jerk and a motion that told her it was going down. The ride took no more than 30 seconds, Mac deduced and when the doors opened she cautiously stepped out into a white room with a long corridor. At the end of the corridor, she saw a man dressed it what seemed to be black BDU's.

There were two doors, one on the left and one on the right. She tried the one on the left first which would not open, for that matter, neither did the right. The corridor was the only thing left so she took it, walking slowly, cautiously, wishing she had her service weapon. "Hello?" She tried keeping her tone hard and edgy. She tried not to show fear, but there was that feeling she got, that made her believe she was in danger.

The man didn't move, he just stood there, feet shoulder width apart. If it wasn't because she knew better, the man looked like Harm. He had the same build, seemingly the same height, the same dark hair. "Agent, I demand to know what is going on." She said to the man, but he didn't move or talk, so she walked quicker. When she did the man stepped away from the corridor and headed down another one to the right.

She followed him, nearly jogging in order to catch up and when she did, he spun around. "Harm. . ." She gasped. It was him but, why was he there? "Harm? What's going on?" And why wasn't he responding to her? "Harm?" She reached out to touch him, but he grabbed her arm and bent it behind her back, spinning her around with a brutal force. He pulled at her and pinned her against him roughly causing Mac to gasp in pain.

His voice, low and malevolent rasped against her ear. "Harm isn't here anymore, Colonel." He tightened his grip on her, threatening to break her arm if she fought him.

"You're . . . Hurting me." Mac said as her eyes started tearing up from the pain. She tried as best as possible to stay still, so that he wouldn't bend any farther, if he did, she knew he'd snap her arm. "Please. . ."

Harm kept his hold on her arm as he walked her forward and towards a room where two other agents were bringing in a kicking and screaming Clayton Webb.

"Let me go!!" He yelled, but the more he fought against the two men, the more they man handled him. Finally one of the men held him while the other delivered a solid punch to Clay's stomach. He doubled over and then defiantly straightened up only to be hit again.

"Stop it!" Mac yelled as she watched in horror what they were doing to Clay. Turning as much as she could, she looked at Harm. "Tell them to stop." But, he just stared at her, with _that_ look, the one that terrified her. He let her go, but she knew that if she moved a muscle, he'd just grab her again, so she stayed close. "Harm, you need to snap out of this, you need to wake up."

Harm grinned and moved a few paces away from her, coolly leaning against a table in the room. From the holster attached on his leg, he pulled out a pistol and aimed it at her. He pointed it towards her chest, aiming for her heart.

"Harm, don't do this!" Clay yelled from his place on the floor, looking up, he motioned over to Mac. "You'll never be able to live with yourself if you hurt her."

Harm's eyes clouded, he looked unsure, but there was something in his mind that kept telling him to pull the trigger. The woman _needed_ to die.

"Harm. . . I love you." Mac said, causing a struggle within him. His hand, the one holding the gun, shook. He couldn't look at her, couldn't see what he was about to do. "Whatever it is. . . fight it. Please." She pleaded and that was when he closed his eyes. "Listen to me... I love you. Fight this."

He opened his eyes and glared at the woman while trying to maintain his weapon on her. "Shut the fuck up." Harm closed his eyes as the hand holding the gun began to shake.Conflicting images flashed behind his eyes. The first were images of him and the woman in an intimate setting. They'd been lovers, he figured, but it was much more than that. The second set of images were of the two of them in some sort of office setting, he had a uniform on, a white one with gold wings. The last was of him pulling the trigger, ending her life. He felt a severe pain in the center of his chest when the final images played behind his closed eyes.

When he opened them, there she was staring at him, eyes pleading him to stop. His eyes were full of tears which fell for reasons he couldn't explain. He had to put her away, it was his duty, it was what he was programmed to do. All the others had been easier, but her. . .

"Harm. . ." Her voice cracked from her own tears. She hoped that in some way she was getting through to him. Damnit, Harm wasn't a cold blooded killer. And just when she thought she'd won him over, that look in his eyes returned and he raised the weapon once more.

Harm shot twice, one bullet going to the agent on the right and the other to the agent on the left. His body then started feeling heavy and he couldn't keep it up anymore. Reaching his hand up, he wiped his nose, he was bleeding again. His head was pounding, vision clouding. A name came to him, one that had to belong to the woman, "Sarah?"

"Harm." Mac quickly rushed to him as his body slumped to the floor. "Clay, help me."

After stripping the agents of their weapons, Clay did his part, helping Mac stand Harm up. "We have to get out of here."

"Yea, no shit." She said, grunting at having to take on half of Harm's weight. "Which way?"

"Uh, I don't know." He stared at her blankly and shrugged. "It's not like I actually spent time down here. . . well, if I did I don't remember. . . I mean."

"Argh. . Clay, shut up and move!" She started heading back down the corridors that she'd used to follow Harm in. It took a bit longer than she remembered, but, eventually, they were standing in front of the elevator.

Clay stared at it. "Now what?"

"We need a key." Mac said with a frown. It was then that Clay produced one that he had taken off one of the agents. With a grin he gave it over to Mac who used it along with the code that the first agent had used. The elevator opened and she grinned. Once inside, Mac hit the 'up' button.

Clay sighed. "Not to jinx things, but maybe this has been a bit too easy."

"Hey, you worked here, I am sure you know how to get us out of here without incident." Mac started moving forward when the doors opened. "Okay, Clay, where are we?"

Clay looked around. "Building two, east wing. . .There is an emergency exit if you go left." But, when they tried to do just that, they ran into the agent that had put Mac in the elevator to begin with. Swiftly pulling out his weapon, Clay shot the man in chest.

They made it to the emergency exit without any more incidents, but the moment they got there, the alarms starting going off. "Sarah, there are camera's everywhere. . . we aren't going to make it out of here."

"But, we ARE going to try. . . I'll be damned if we busted him out of that room downstairs to be caught because a washed up agent couldn't hack it anymore." She spat at him, as she rammed through the emergency exit.

Clay headed into the stairwell with her. "Ouch, a little harsh, don't you think?"

"Harsh? You haven't' even begun to know what harsh IS." They moved Harm's dead weight down the stairwell, trying not to stop until the reached the bottom. "Besides, You got him into this mess, Clay."

Once they busted out of the stairwell, they wound up on the ground floor of the covered parking garage and headed to the first suv they could find. Clay held up Harm, while Mac wrapped her jacket around her arm and slammed her fist in through the window, surprised that a car alarm did not go off. Shrugging, Mac helped Clay with Harm, who was put in the back seat. "And how the hell are you planning on starting that thing? Did you bring an extra set of keys?"

Mac shrugged, seeing no problem. "I'll just hotwire it." She said diving under the dash, working on finding the correct cables to spark. It took her no more than twenty seconds before the vehicle roared to life. Triumphantly she sat up in the drivers seat and then offered a satisfied grin over to Clay. "Product of a misspent youth."


	13. Safe With Me 1

PART 13 – Safe With Me - 1

Whatever happens to you

You're safe with me

Whatever hurting you'll do

It won't hurt me

"Safe With Me" By: Mesh

Friday

July 30th, 2004

1102 Local

Heading down I95 North

Virginia

Getting out of Langley proved to be quite a pain. With the SUV, Clay had rammed through a guard shack, destroying most of the vehicle and making them ditch that vehicle for another. Mac had driven out of Virginia, heading towards Maryland, they'd stopped at a small bus station off of I95 where Clay had picked up several gadgets that he kept stored in a locker. He'd told her that he had several of those located just about everywhere. Clay gave Mac a secured cell phone, some money and left her with the weapons he'd taken from the dead agents. He also gave her keys to an SUV that he had stashed. "What are you planning on doing?"

"Getting the hell out of here, Sarah." He said after she'd driven him to a roadside motel not too far away from the bus stop. "If we split up, it's better." But Mac didn't seem too sure. Harm hadn't regained consciousness and from the things Clay had briefly discussed about the drug, she figured she was going to be in for a whole lot of hell. "I'm sorry, but it's the only way."

Mac watched him hop out of the SUV. "So that's it? You aren't going to help out?"

"Sarah, with that stunt you pulled contacting Kershaw, I am in deep shit. . . You two still have an out. . . You can contact Chegwidden, I am sure he'd be able to help." Clay looked at Mac and frowned. She had heard what he said, but she was too worried with Harm who she was watching with sad eyes. Clay frowned, why did he even bother going after her in the first place? She was always in love with Harm, and she always will be. "For what it's worth. . . I'm sorry." With that, he slammed the door and walked off towards the motel.

Mac was soon on the move again, she headed some miles up the road, then got off in a densely populated area, where she turned off to make a secured call. Pulling out the secured cell phone Clay had given her, she dialed the Admiral's cell phone. If anything, she figured it would be better than calling JAG ops and speaking to a million and one people before she got AJ. "Chegwidden." AJ answered with a scowl. Who the hell could be calling his cell phone? And where the hell were his Senior attorneys?

"Admiral." Mac said, and the moment he did, AJ went into a tirade.

"Colonel, where in the hell are you? And where the HELL is Commander Rabb? Judge Sebring is LIVID, you two were supposed to be in that courtroom an hour ago. . . I suggest you two get your BUTTS over here RIGHT now before I send the two of you lovebirds packing to the Northernmost regions of Canada!"

Mac swallowed a few times. "Respectfully, sir. . . We'll have to disobey that order." She waited a few moments, and when she heard the silence on the other line, she could just imaging AJ sitting there with his mouth agape. "Sir, the Commander and I are in a whole lot of trouble."

"Colonel, you and the Commander are synonymous with trouble." At once he thought it was just Harm, but Mac was cut from the same mold. Mac could get into her fair share of trouble, no, not as much as Harm, but enough to have to keep him on his toes. Why did he come back to JAG again? "What is going on?"

"The CIA, sir. . . The details I have are sketchy, but they've been using something. . . some form of. . . I guess narcotic to control the Commander." She paused again, the story sounded so stupid, but she'd seen Harm change. She saw the way the agents at Langley had come after them. "I suspect they'll be calling soon, sir. . . Clayton Webb is alive, Admiral."

"What?" AJ nearly yelled into his cell phone. From the information he got from Sturgis in May, the agent was dead along with a few other members of his outfit.

Mac sighed, this wasn't easy. Seeing Clay, no matter what she felt for Harm, wasn't easy. "It's a long story, sir. . .In a nutshell, he faked his death in order to get away from the agency."

"What about Harm?"

"Clay bargained with them. After Paraguay, the agency wanted to bring me onboard, so he bargained with them, that's why you got that call not to accept Harm back in. . . Sir, I am so sorry, I resented you for that, now I know it wasn't your fault."

AJ shook his head. "Forget that, Mac. . . You said trouble?"

"Whatever they used on Harm, makes him do things for them. . .bad things. . . I didn't believe at first, but he nearly killed me. . .Someone at Langley called me over. . .to make a long story short, Webb, Harm and I escaped, problem is whatever they gave him has him out cold. . . We can't go back home, I'm sure they are looking for us." Mac's blood froze in her veins as she heard sirens coming from the freeway. The police headed towards her and she knew that she couldn't just drive off, they would catch her. She let out a ragged breath when the two troopers flew past her vehicle and turned down another street. "Sir, we're in danger. They'll come after him. " Just then a thought popped into her head. "Sir, Jennifer and Mattie they may be in danger as well."

"I'll take care of Coates and the Commander's ward." AJ remained silent for a moment. He knew he had the power to help them, to protect his people. But he needed to contact those that he could trust, and until then Harm and Mac just had to lay low. "Mac, I have an idea. . ."

1230 Local

Somewhere in Maryland

Mac followed AJ's instructions to the 't'. After taking a dirt road that was located in the wilds of Maryland, it didn't take Mac too long to come up on a small log cabin by a lake. She had stopped first for supplies and some clothing that she got from the small town's local goodwill store. To try and hide her military clothing, Mac took off the top of Harm's black BDU in order to cover the insignia on her Marine khaki shirt. In any case, the whole place was so densely populated that the fear of being seen wouldn't be a problem.

Trying to carry Harm's body up and into the cabin was a feat close to impossible. Only pure will and determination allowed Mac to do the task without dropping. Every time she looked at him, she felt her blood boil. She was so angry at the Agency and Webb for what had happened to Harm. They'd made a good, noble man do dirty and heinous acts. Someone was going to eventually pay for that, for she was swearing revenge.

The cabin was the type that had some, but not much electricity. Luckily, since the Admiral had been planning a fishing trip up there that weekend, the electricity had been turned on and everything was in working order. After putting away the supplies, Mac took a quick shower and then sat by Harm's side. "C'mon flyboy. . . please wake up." She begged, but received no response. Luckily, he was breathing and had a steady pulse. She spent most of the day by his side until the night time, when sleep threatened to topple her over. The weather outside was practically lulling her to sleep, unfortunately, when she checked Harm again, she felt the heat on his forehead and cheeks.

Rain was pounding hard on the wooden roof of the cabin and Harm was out cold. Mac took a damp cloth and passed it over Harm's forehead, hoping that it aided in easing the fever that had come down on his body. She gave him a kiss on the forehead and slid into the chair on the opposite side of the bed. No matter how safe the area seemed to be, Mac still couldn't shake that feeling from her, so she had taken the rifle Clay had in the SUV and kept it near her at all times.

Cradling the rifle in her arms, Mac watched the rise and fall of his chest. At times, he would stir, mumble certain things and then it was over. But, she knew it was only the beginning, the problems would start once his body realized that the drug was no longer in his system. Mac dreaded that because she knew, first hand, how bad an addict could get. She'd seen it from teenage friends that had succumbed to using narcotics. Even her own husband, at one time or another, had experimented and frightened her when the craving for the drug sent him into a frenzy.

A rustling outside of the cabin brought Mac out of her reverie. She held her breath, fine tuning her senses to block out the sounds of wild weather and concentrate on sounds not created by mother nature. Standing, she put out the light in the room. Mac held the rifle in her hands as she moved out of the bedroom and to the main room of the cabin. A flash of lightning allowed for a silhouette of a person to reflect against the curtains. In that instant neither Mac nor Sarah was present only a Marine poised and ready for battle, to protect the things she cared for. Mac moved closer to the door, she saw the knob jiggle and kept her steps light as she moved to the space where the door would open.

Holding the rifle vertical with her body, Mac waited patiently, holding her breath and steadying her body. The intruder, after several failed attempts, finally managed to unlock the door. From the size of the person's frame, Mac noticed the intruder was a male. The man took off his coat and she noticed a holster with, what appeared to be, a 45mm. Quietly she moved behind the man and with a swift move she used one hand to remove the weapon and her leg to kick him to the floor. She tossed the weapon on the sofa and, while pointing the rifle at the person who was now on the floor, she turned on a nearby lamp.


	14. Safe With Me 2

PART 14 – SAFE WITH ME - 2

-  
Who's going to keep

You safe when your body is broken

Reach out and I'll be there

"Safe With Me" By: Mesh

The intruder was laying on the ground with a very angry Marine standing above him, holding a rifle to his head. "Don't shoot!" Pleaded the man pleaded as he slowly turned over.

Mac waited and once he did, she put down the weapon. "Gunny?"

"Webb sent me, Ma'am." Gunny said, standing up and dusting his clothes. With a smirk he looked Mac over. "Always a Marine first, huh, ma'am?"

Mac put the weapon away and made sure the door was secure. "Something like that. . ." She moved forward took Gunny in a tight hug and smiled.

"It's good to see you too, Colonel." Gunny took a good look at her and smiled. He'd always thought the Colonel was attractive. Out of his league, but totally attractive.

Mac rolled her eyes playfully and grinned. "Considering I nearly shot you, call me Mac."

"Only if you call me, Vic." Gunny offered as he bent over to pick up the pack he was carrying.

Keeping the cabin dimly lit, Mad and Vic sat in the living room, each with a cup of coffee in their hands trading stories about the ordeal. Webb had contacted Vic, who had contacted AJ, who told him where he could go to keep an eye on Harm and Mac. Victor's compelling need to protect two of his friends, had him out there in a heartbeat. Then there was the problem called 'Mindcrime.' Victor, too, had been a victim.

"I know what he is going through Ma'a, Mac. . ." He smiled sheepishly and nodded towards the bedroom. "Happened to me too."

Mac frowned, how many people that she cared about had been taken in by the agency and turned into some sort of monster for their pleasure? How may more would they get to before they were satisfied? "When did they grab you?"

"Remember Fariza? . ." Mac remembered her too well, though she never met the woman, it was the reason why she and Harm were down in Afghanistan to help the Gunny out just two short years ago. Victor seemed to have fallen in love with a woman that didn't feel the same. The woman was taken by a terrorist and due to Victor's involvement, there were speculations of him helping out. It turned out to be false and, in the end, Fariza was another casualty of war. "Well, after that, you know I joined the agency. I liked it, doing work that really made a difference. I'm too old to advance in the Corps and didn't want to be a Gunny forever." He chuckled and shrugged. "Well, after Paraguay they found something in me they liked so I stuck around. . . Then things got, sketchy." Sighing, he looked down, almost ashamed. Paraguay had been the turning point to every one's lives it seemed. Harm and Mac's relationship was all but destroyed, Clay had been deemed to take on the worst cases, AJ had turned into that jerk boss everyone disliked and now Gunny. Apparently no one left unscathed. "They wanted me to do something which I was less than keen on doing. . . According to them, to make an omelet you have to break some eggs."

Mac put two and two together. "Kill someone?"

"Kill a few someone's so that the government would fund some crazy mission the agency was trying to put together. . ." Gunny looked at her and shrugged. "I said 'no.' So they found a way to make me say 'yes.'"

It was amazing to her the power that the ruthless had. They'd take three good men and turned their lives upside down. "How'd you get out?"

"I got out with Mr. Webb. . . I was on the USS Thomas Lyons when we both decided we wanted out." Though the 'out' proved to be a difficult one. A lot of planning went into everything and still, they nearly drowned for real.

Mac was surprised that no one had said anything. The only reason why she 'knew' Webb was supposedly dead was because of Sturgis. He'd wanted to tell her, but he was just bound by friendship and duty to do that to her. "I didn't know. . ."

"No one did. . . I wasn't playing Marine at that point. . . I was also all scruffed up from another mission. . ." Vic stretched his legs under the coffee table and sighed. "I didn't think we'd make it. . . the waves were pretty nasty, the tanks we took hardly had air, the raft we had to fight with to keep afloat in the water . . . and then we had to try and make sure the Navy didn't find us." Sighing, he shook his head. "At one point I thought it wasn't worth the effort. . . to escape and then spend the rest of your life hiding."

Mac pinched the bridge of her nose. "This is all. . . too much."

Vic looked at her sympathetically. True, she didn't go through what he and Webb did. For the most part, she came out unscathed, due to him and Harm saving her from torture. But, that didn't mean she wasn't affected. If anything, it was worse for her, because now she knew the truth as to what was going on and why Harm wasn't let back into the Navy.

Mac looked towards the room and sighed. "What can I expect?"

"Normal things you'd seen from a drug addict detoxing. . . How long has he been without?" Vic took a sip of the coffee and frowned.

"Less than 24 hours."

"Oh." Vic grimaced. Both he and Webb had to 'detox' the chemical out of their system. It wasn't the prettiest thing in the world to witness. Even though the chemical was nothing like narcotics, it had its fair share of problems. "It's not going to be pretty. ." . . . "I'll help you out. . . You two helped me out once."

Mac turned to Vic and smirked. "I know you don't like the Commander too much."

But, before she got too carried away, Vic decided to clarify. "At first, no. . . it's that whole Squid vs. Jarhead battle. . . But, the Commander is a stand up guy. . .This shouldn't be happening to him. . ."

"Shouldn't be happening to anyone, Victor." She said angrily.

"I know. . . But the Commander shouldn't have ever been involved with the CIA. . .What he did last year, he did for you. And they used it. . . they used him and his loyalty to you." That is what angered him the most about the situation. They weren't supposed to take men like him, Webb or Harm. It was supposed to be the lowest of the low. People that could be bought and used. Not men that were doing a service for their country to protect it's citizens. They had railroaded people, doctored documents, lied to the joint chiefs and even the president to get what they wanted done. They said it was all for some greater good, but at the expense of how many lives?

"Stop talking as if I were dead." Harm's raspy voice called from the door to the room.

Quickly Mac stood and went to his side. "You need to be in bed, flyboy."

"No. . . I don't want. . ." Harm couldn't get any more words out. His body felt like lead it was all he could do before he started crashing to the floor. But, Mac and Gunny were there to keep him up. "Hey there Gunny. . ." He smiled at the younger man. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Call me, Vic. . . As far as I am concerned Gunny died." Vic smiled sheepishly and helped Mac get Harm in bed. "Sir, you really have to rest. . . you are going to need it."

Harm frowned. "I don't want to rest. . . I. . ." With that he was out cold again and Mac looked over at Vic, with concern.

"It happens, Ma'am. . ." He reassured her and started working on getting the sheets wrapped around Harm's body. He watched as something that looked like a convulsion hit Harm's body. "It's starting. . ."

"Starting? What?" Mac, who had gone to get water for Harm, turned abruptly. Harm's body would tighten and then release. He was kicking, screaming things that made no sense, words that couldn't be put together and just as quickly as it began, it was over. Mac stood by Victor. "Is that it?"

Vic shook his head and looked at her sympathetically. "It's only the beginning."

For the next few hours, they went through the kicking, screaming and the nightmares. Harm would wake up in a cold sweat and then just as quickly build a fever. In his sleep he would grab the sides of his head and grimace as if he were having some sort of aneurysm. Then there were the times that Harm would call Mac's name. Those were the worst for her, because there was nothing she could do but watch. At one point, it got so bad that she had to leave the room for a moment in order to compose herself.

With tears in her eyes, she looked over at Vic who was standing next to Harm trying to get him to calm down. "God, can't this stop?" She had promised herself that she would take care of him. She would bring him back to who he was, but now, she was failing. Or at least she felt like she was.

"It's going to keep on until his body realizes he can live without the chemical." Vic shook his head. "At least he won't remember this."

A few moments later, Harm calmed down. With a deep sigh, he rolled over and went to sleep. Mac and Vic took a look at each other and both breathed a sigh of relief. They knew there was probably more to come, but at least, for now, Harm's body gave into exhaustion.

"How did you go through it?" She asked, glancing over at Vic who had taken a chair on the opposite side of the bed.

"Mr. Webb and I stuck together. . . he knew a doctor in Hawaii that helped us detox. . ."

Mac chewed on the inside of her cheek. She had so many questions to ask, but only because she had such a large puzzle to fit together. "This thing obviously has some nasty side effects. Why would Kershaw keep it up and running?"

"Kershaw has nothing to do with it ma'am, sadly it goes farther up the ladder." Had it been Kershaw things would have been taken care of much easier. He'd simply be replaced and mention of 'Mindcrime' would never happen again. But that wasn't the case.

"I thought Kershaw was the big wig over there?" Now she was really confused.

Vic moved his head side to side. "Ummm. . . Yes and no." Scooting forward, he sat at the edge of the seat and looked directly at Mac. "Kershaw never knew what was going on. He knows things are being developed, but not for what. . .He doesn't know about 'Mindcrime' being in operation. He thinks it's still a prototype of which he doesn't know what it is supposed to do." Mac leaned forward, intrigued in the conversation. "You see originally the CIA had a plan to get prisoners . . . You know? Men and women who were on death row and use Mindcrime on them to do their bidding. . ." Standing, Vic moved across the room and stopped right in front of the bed. "When it ended up that these men and women would become even more unpredictable, it was scraped. . . Then, a few years back they decided to start implementing the program into people who were part of the agency, but unwilling to do the dirty work. . . With that state of mind, it was easier to control the person, but there was just one problem."

Mac raised an eyebrow. Problem? There were obviously more than just ONE. "Problem?"

Vic nodded. "Eventually, the chemicals being injected would tear up the mind, the person would start to feel headaches, have nosebleeds. . . If the chemicals kept being used. . . eventually the person would go into a vegetative state." Frowning, he leaned against the dresser and shook his head.

Mac glanced longingly at Harm and then turned her attention back to Victor. "He had the headaches and the nosebleeds."

"Oh. . . Ma'am I didn't mean to imply that the Commander would. . ." Vic shook his head and cursed under his breath. "Mac. . . he should be fine. . . Trust me, he's strong, he'll fight it."

Though she agreed with that assessment, it was difficult seeing Harm that way. He was pale now, sweaty. His body was shivering and she could just see another wave of withdrawal hitting him. "So if Kershaw isn't involved, then who is? Who is he? What's his name?"

"His name is Peter Gayle." Vic shook his head. "But the one to worry about is not a 'he' ma'am, it's a 'she'."

"A woman?" The question was rhetorical but she was more surprised than anything. The Agency was one of those ruthless companies that the government hard asses didn't feel a woman should run any part of. If she was surprised at learning that a female was to blame, she would be even more surprised when she found out who it was.

Gunny nodded the affirmative. "Yes, ma'am, his daughter. . . Catherine Gayle."

(FYI – Not sure if Catherine ever mentioned anything about her father. So, for the sake of this story, he is alive and well and the numero uno dood in the CIA.)


	15. No Sanctuary

PART 15 - No Sanctuary

There's a void in your mind that you cling to

You feel lost in time, you've got no words to rhyme

No more charms, no more spells to protect you

-  
"No Sanctuary" By Queensryche

Mac just sat there with her mouth wide open. Catherine Gayle? The woman was a hardass attorney, but she couldn't see how she had as much power as Vic had suggested, regardless of who her father was. "Catherine Gayle? I. . . Well, she was just a lawyer for the agency." Then again, it made sense as to why it was so easy for Harm to find where she and Webb were. "She did tell him where to find us. . ." She trailed off, lost in thoughts about Catherine Gayle. Mac never did like her much, she didn't know why. She supposed it was her trying to prevent the men who knew about the Angelshark from saying much, but no, it cut deeper than that. Though, now it made sense as to why she was put on the Angelshark investigation and why Webb was walking eggshells around her. It also made sense as to why Harm was able to get to Paraguay with such ease. "She told him exactly where to go. . . She could have gotten him killed dealing with Hardy. . .Sadik."

Vic looked at Mac and frowned. "Back then, I thought she swayed Kershaw into telling Harm where he could find you, ma'am. . ." At the shocked look on Mac's face Victor practically paled. "Ma'am? What is it?"

Mac licked her lips and ran her hands through her hair. "Catherine went to see Harm at least once. Right after he stopped working for them." She looked at Harm and sighed. So many things that she thought about Catherine Gayle being at Harm's place, non of them could have predicted this. "I was there. . . went to see him so he could help on some cases, she came by and. . . I left."

"She could have been keeping tabs on him, ma'am. . . I don't think anyone at the agency was happy about that C-130 stunt." Vic grinned at the surprised look at Mac's face. "I think just about everyone knew about that."

Mac let out a deep breath. "I think all of this is going to be the death of me." Standing, she moved towards the bed and placed a rag on Harm's forehead. Luckily the fever was easing down. "How did she get so powerful? I mean it seems strange that politicians would let a woman have all of that."

Vic nodded in agreement because it had seemed strange to him at first, when Webb explained to him some time ago that the agency had put them all into the lion's mouth. "She's daddy's only girl. Her brother is from another husband that her mother had before she met Peter Gayle." Though Victor wasn't really the type to gossip, there was something that was bothering him throughout the times he'd worked with Webb. "While on the Thomas Lyons, we managed to score some whiskey from a couple of squids we outplayed in a poker game. . . I, don't mean to gossip, but I think Mr. Webb was intimately involved with her."

Mac raised her eyebrows. It wasn't something that she didn't think about. In truth, that evening after she and Harm sat in his apartment checking out the video from the Angelshark mishap, it was something that was discussed. They seemed to share intimate looks and then there was that tension, not unlike the one Mac and Harm shared. "It sort of makes sense. . . she gets angry with him, asks daddy to throw him into some dangerous missions."

"Exactly." Vic responded with a grin. He was amused at both Harm and Mac's penchant for figuring things out on their own. Then again, they were lawyers, that was supposed to be part of their job.

"If she was dating Clay at some point, I bet she wasn't all too happy about me and him." She said out loud, more to herself than anything. The admission made her blush when Victor looked at her with wide eyes.

"Permission to speak freely?" He said, ignoring for a moment that neither of them were in uniforms and that he was no longer in the Corps. At her nod, Vic sat back in the chair and smirked. "Why did you wind up with Webb?"

"Excuse me?"

Vic shook off the slight irritation in her voice. Truth was, he was irritated himself with the Colonel. He admired Harm for giving up everything to save her. Victor couldn't figure out how the hell she would still wind up with Webb. It was another discussion that he and Webb had once they 'escaped' from the agency. One that Victor grew enraged with. Webb had used Mac, taken her away from Harm. He used her confusion, her trauma to get what he wanted. "I want to say that I didn't hear that argument that you can the Commander had in Paraguay. . .But you did have a room right next to ours." He grinned sheepishly. "You two are senior offices so, I never brought it up."

"You were eavesdropping?" Mac was shocked. If anything Gunny was one of those men that was just as by-the-book as she was.

Vic shrugged it off, he was only human after all. "It's a third world country, even the 5 star hotels have shitty insulation."

"Oh." . . .Mac sighed. She really didn't need to explain herself to him, but she figured that a little conversation wouldn't hurt. Especially since Vic was shooting her an accusing stare. "Harm and I were impossible. . . I just didn't realize. . . Took me so long to realize that it was ME that was impossible. . . Clay said what I wanted to hear, so I went to him." Standing, she walked towards the window and looked out. The storm still hadn't let up. It was fitting though – the storm outside and the storm inside. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Gunny. . . A lot of reasons why I am such a mess. . . If I could take back everything that happened between Harm and I. . . I didn't realize, or maybe I was just to scared to see that he didn't do it out of duty, but out of love. . . because he loved me." It confused her still how she could be so blind. It wasn't until she shot Sadik Fahd that everything came to her. He didn't risk his life as a sense of duty to a friend. Harm did it because he loved her and because he wouldn't let another person he cared for so deeply to be taken from him. He loved her.

"You love Commander Rabb don't you?" Victor asked, glancing between the two of them. He couldn't see Mac's face because she was turned, looking out the window. But, he could tell she was crying.

Mac wiped her tears before she turned around and grinned. "You don't have to push for an answer, Victor. . . We're together now." Sighing she looked over at Harm and frowned. "At least, I think we are. . . This whole THING put a damper on the situation." It was fitting though, every time they moved forward something shoved them back. But this time, this time, she wasn't backing down. She was going to stand her own and be strong for him, for them.

Victor couldn't conceal the grin even if he tried. He'd known the Commander and the Colonel for quite sometime. He was the one that saw how bent out of shape the Commander looked when he went searching for Mac in Paraguay. Or how rough she had taken his disappearance in the Atlantic just a few years back. "Well, hoorah! It's about time ma'am." Chuckling, he glanced over at Harm and then back at Mac. "So, when did you two officially get together?"

Mac raised her eyebrows. "Why, Victor? You running a pool?"

"No, ma'am, but Lt. Simms was." Laughter erupted between the two Marines. It really wasn't too surprising to hear about that. At one point, Mac considered starting one herself. Despite the need she had to watch over Harm, she was tired and couldn't conceal a yawn which Vic noticed. "I think you should get some rest, ma'am."

Mac glared at him with an amused grin and her hands on her hips. "You trying to send me to bed, Victor?"

Standing, Vic stretched his legs and walked towards the door. He knew he wouldn't be able to drag her away from Harm, so he didn't even try suggesting. But, at least, she could crash on the sofa in the bedroom and he would crash in the living room to give them some privacy. "No ma'am. . . but he is probably going to be out of it for a while and the worst is still to come. You need your rest if you are going to help him out."

Mac nodded, headed across the room and gave Vic a kiss on the cheek. "Night, Vic."

"Night, Mac." With a smirk, he left the room and headed towards the living room.

Saturday

July 31st, 2004  
0830 Local  
Admiral AJ Chegwidden's Home  
MacLean, Virginia

Mattie looked out the window of the living room, watching the lightening patterns in the sky. She and Harm were supposed to go flying that weekend. He was going to let her fly 'Sarah' his bi-plane. She was supposed to stay over at her friend Jessica's home and then Harm would pick her up from there and head to Blacksburg. Instead, AJ had picked her up along with Petty Officer Coates. Mattie couldn't figure out why, but she knew something was wrong. "Couldn't sleep much, Mattie?" AJ said, traipsing in slowly offering the teenager some orange juice."

Mattie smiled and took the proffered juice. She took a sip and shook her head. "Not much, Admiral."

"Call me AJ." He offered, sliding into his favorite chair and watching the teenager. Though he wasn't Harm's real daughter, there was still something there that made her like a Rabb. She was tenacious, strong willed and stubborn. "I am sorry if I scared you yesterday."

"I thought something had happened to him. . . that he. . ." She couldn't bring herself to think that Harm had died, but it was a fear that she had. Though Harm joked that the worst that could happen was a paper cut, his other job, that of him being a pilot, scared her. "He told me once that Mac hated when he flew. . . and I started to feel the same. . . I mean, I want to fly too, I want to fly for the Navy but. . .I keep forgetting how dangerous it is." After rambling, she turned to AJ, her eyes pleading for answers that she doubted he would supply. "What is going on?"

"You know I can't tell you." AJ said with a frown. Truth was, he couldn't find out much himself. Going through Harm's desk on Friday, he had found the files that Webb had supposedly given him. The files that had every single detail about 'Mindcrime' along with a list of people that had been the Agency's victims. He'd heard about someone ransacking Harm's apartment and figured that is what they were after. In a smart move, AJ made copies of the files and stashed them in his secret safe that he had in his home. He also left a note that was to be delivered to the higher-ups in case anything happened to him, Mac or Harm. One way or another, the rogue elements of the agency were going down. Unfortunately, what he couldn't figure out where the players or just how high up in the food chain everything went. He wished he could explain things to Mattie, but sometimes it was better just not to know. "He is alive and safe. . . Mac is with him."

Mattie sighed. She trusted Mac when it came to Harm and knew that if she was with him, they were safe. Though Harm hadn't discussed the intimate details of his relationship with Mac, there were some stories, wild stories about their adventures together. It seemed that everything usually ended up okay when they did things together. "They'll take care of each other."

AJ nodded with a smirk. "They always have."

"Why aren't they dating? Is it because you won't let them?" At the shocked look on the Admirals face Mattie smirked and decided to clarify. "I mean, they can get busted on PDA charges right?"

AJ chuckled, teenagers were precocious and Mattie Grace was straight to the point. "You didn't hear this from me. . . but they are dating."

"What? When did that happen?" Mattie shook her head. If they were dating, why didn't she know. Her thoughts came to a clean stop when she remembered their trip to the museum when Harm and Mac seemed a bit friendlier. That night, she remembered, Harm didn't come home. He called to tell her hat he was staying over at Mac's to 'discuss a case.' With a malicious grin, Mattie looked over at the Admiral. "Well, it's about time!"

"Now, I just need to know when they officially got together. . . Every year we have an office pool." Laughing, he sipped his coffee and was happy to see the teenager laugh as well. "Pot's up to nearly four thousand bucks." He was about to comment something else when his cell phone rang. "Chegwidden. . . Webb! What the hell is going on?" He brought his index finger up to tell Mattie he'd just be a moment. Swiftly, he moved outside. "What did you get my people into? And why the hell aren't you dead?"

["Nice to speak to you too." Clay sighed from his end of the line. "I can't talk over the phone AJ. . . can we meet somewhere?"]

AJ gritted his teeth. How many more scams did the agent plan on his senior officers. Sometimes, it seemed like Webb was doing everything possible to kill them off. "Webb, JAG ops is NOT a recruitment office for the Agency. . ."

[Clay agreed on that part, but it was just so easy to tap the military in order to do things. Their people were highly trained and willing to serve their country. "I understand, AJ. But I need you in order to help Harm and Mac."]

AJ sighed deeply. Not even nine o'clock in the morning and he was already starting to get a headache. "Time and place?"


	16. Brave

PART 16 - Brave

I'll be brave for you

And every day I pray for you

We can be strong in each other's arms

And I'll be brave, I'll be brave for you

"Brave" By: Pat Benatar

Saturday

July 31st, 2004

1230 Local

Somewhere in Virginia

AJ met with Clay on a dirt road in the middle of no where. He barely recognized the agent, with his scruffy appearance and lack of a well tailored suit that he was accustomed to see on Clay. If anything, the man looked more like a bum than anything else. "Promise me, you aren't going to break my nose again." Clay said from the opposite side of the road.

At AJ's chuckle, he moved across the road and shook his hand. "Good to see you,

AJ."

"I would say the same, but I am afraid, I don't have that sentiment." AJ

leaned up against the side of his car he'd rented to not have to use his SUV

and brought his arms across his chest. "What is going on?"

"Do you have the files?" Clay asked, motioning to a folder inside of the

car. At AJ's nod, Clay let out a sigh of relief. Briefly, he explained to AJ how 'Mindcrime' worked and who the intended victims were supposed to be. Agent's were not supposed to be involved, but somehow they got factored in.

After his problems with missions gone wrong, he became a victim in order to

get things done more efficiently. Which proved to be a success until the

damage from the chemicals effected him during the mission to get Sadik Fahd.

He explained how they'd used Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez's Marine

training along with 'Mindcrime' to get dirty work done.

"How do Harm and Mac factor into this?" AJ asked, concerned about his two

senior officers. The two that he'd come to love like his own children.

Clay cringed for a moment, not wanting to take on the wrath of an angry ex-SEAL when he explained how pleased the CIA had been with Mac. They liked

how she handled herself so much, that she was next on the victim's list.

But, he had talked to the men at the top and offered up Harm instead of Mac.

AJ restrained himself from decking the agent, by taking several deep breaths. "I hope Mac never finds that out, for your sake."

"She knows." He said with a cringe, that wasn't Clay's favorite conversation

with Mac. "Anyway, do you remember a agency lawyer? The one that was

against Harm and Mac when they worked on the Angelshark investigation?"

AJ shrugged. "Vaguely." He leaned against the car, stunned while Clay gave

his account at just how ruthless Catherine Gayle was. Behind the sweet and

innocent persona lay a conniving creature that would do anything to make the

agency work, even if it meant sacrificing the lives of their agents. Paraguay had been Catherine's baby, a mission that was sketchy at best and that is why she sent off Clay.

"She may have been a bit ticked off at me for giving Harm the video to help with the Angelshark investigation." Clay said with a shrug. "We uh. . .well we used to go out. . ." Trailing off, he looked up at AJ who nodded in understanding.

"Woman scorn." Which made sense to AJ as to why rumors kept going around

that Mac and Clay were dating, but he never really saw Mac and Clay

together. With an amused grin, he imagined Ms. Gayle wrapping the spook

into any mission possible to keep him away from Mac. "So what do we do

now?"

Clay nodded at the information in the car. "Use that. . . go to the SECNAV,

the Hill, hell, AJ go to the President if you think that will bail us out."

"You mean bail THEM out." AJ got close to Webb, grabbed him by the shirt

and slammed him into the car. "Look, little man, I do not give a rat's ass about you. . . I never did. . .You keep putting MY people in danger. ." Slowly, he let go of Webb and stepped back. "SO, that said, if I do help

out anyone, it will be Harm and Mac." AJ pushed Webb away from the car and

reached inside to grab the folders. "Now, you better start making heads or

tails out of these damned things. . .they read like stereo instructions."

"One more thing. . ." Clay cringed, he hoped that he didn't receive another

punch from an angry Admiral. "You need to give it a few days for Harm to

be, okay. . . he may be out of it for a while."

Thursday

August 5, 2004

0120 Local

Maryland

True to his word, Victor stayed with Mac while she helped Harm recover.

Things with him got worse before they got any better. The nightmares

gripped him again, specifically the one where he killed Mac. It played

again and again without mercy. He would wake up in tears, begging her to forgive him. Then, just as quickly, he would turn violent, thrashing around in the bed, so that Gunny had to restrain him. Whatever Harm would eat, he would throw up. He was unable to keep anything in his system and as a result Mac was worried about him dehydrating.

Finally, it was over. Harm was fully awake for the first time in days. His eyes scanned the dimly lit room and he focused on a figure trying to catch

some sleep on a chair near the bed. "Mac." He called softly. His heart

started beating faster as realization crept in - she'd stayed with him.

Mac was wrapped up in a blanket and even with the dim light, he could see

she was exhausted. He frowned at that, with a sigh, he realized he never

should have gone to her about his problem. He should have stayed away

because it wasn't fair to put her through all of this. "Hey sailor." She said with a small smile. He cringed as she stood and stretched out all of the kinks. With a grimace, her neck and back cracked.

"Hey yourself, Marine."

Mac made it over to the bed and sat on the side right next to Harm. She

placed a hand on his forehead and was happy to note he didn't have a fever

nor was he sweating like he'd been. "How you feeling?"

"Like I got plowed down by a Humvee." He said with a dry chuckle. Stretching in bed, he winced. "Damnit, things I never knew could hurt are hurting."

Mac nodded. "It's going to take a day or two for you to get up to par."

"What happened?" Harm's mind was nearly blank, there were images in there, some he knew weren't real, like Mac's death by his hand. Others. . . well, some

were just too real to be true. "Last thing I remember was some chair I was

strapped to. . .and this. . . machine."

Mac nodded. "They tried to make you kill me." She said it quickly, hoping

that he didn't hear it or at least wouldn't question what she just said. But, he did and not with words. The look on his face spoke volumes. "But, it's okay, Harm. . . you are out of there, whatever they shot you up with is gone. . . and I am not letting them do that to you ever again."

Harm reached out tentatively and took her hand. He was afraid that she'd

pull away, but instead, she wrapped both her hands around his. "You're

freezing." Gently, he pulled her into bed and wrapped the covers around

them. He brought one of his legs over hers and held her tightly. Even

though there was a multitude of things to deal with, he felt safe and whole.

Mac's eyes searched out his own, he looked content, despite what was going

on. She hoped to be the reason for that. "This reminds me of Afghanistan."

"Sharing body heat." He said with a grin. "Was a Hallmark moment that

time."

"Yep, until Webb decided to bomb us. . . remind me to ream him for that

one." Laughing softly, she reached her hand up and cupped his cheek. "You

need to shave, squid. . . you look like a wannabe pirate."

Chuckling, he just tightened his grip on her. "Thank you, Mac."

"For what?"

"Staying. . ." He said sincerely.

Mac just smiled and snuggled herself closer to him. "Nowhere I'd rather

be." She heard the rumble of laughter in Harm's chest.

"Yea, well, I'd prefer to be on some tropical island with you as opposed to.. to." Tipping his head back to look at her, Harm creased his forehead. "Where the hell are we anyway?"

"Chegwidden's cabin in Maryland. . .and you just want to see me in a bikini

again." They shared a laugh, before Harm snuggled her even closer. "Get some rest, flyboy."

"I love you, Marine."

"I love you too, Sailor."

From the door way Victor watched with a smile. Something's weren't so impossible after all.

0920 Local

Maryland

Harm leaned against the wall of the shower as the warm water ran over him.

When he woke un the morning, he felt so grimy that, to him, it was a miracle

that Mac was still curled up with him. He lathered himself up well, running

the soap through his hands until there was a thick amount of suds. And

after he rinsed himself off, he lathered himself up again. He closed his

eyes and braced his hands up against the wall as the hot liquid poured over

his head. After finishing what had to be the longest shower of his life, he

stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist and proceeded to shave off

his facial hair. With a grimace, he realized Mac was right. . . he did look like a pirate.

When he finished his shower, he walked out and into the bedroom to find

fresh sheets on the bed and a certain Marine laying right in the center of

the bed, asleep. From the edge of the bed, he watched her sleep, her face

still beautiful even though he could tell she was exhausted. How many

women would go through those lengths in order to keep someone safe? He didn't know of too many. Mac had always been special to him, she was the only one that ran with his crazy ideas, even when she was against them. She was

his comrade, his best friend. . . his lover. The last one gave him chills.

All the time that they waited made that first night exquisite. If his body

craved hers before, now he was just addicted and it wasn't such a bad thing

to be an addict to. "Penny for your thoughts?" She said with a smile, as

she propped herself up on her elbows.

"Actually, these'll cost ya more than a penny." Harm slid into bed with her

and chuckled when the first thing she did was rub her palm against his cheeks. "Yes, I am clean shaven."

Mac giggled. "Okay, so you are worthy of being a sailor again."

"Where did Victor go?" It had surprised him at first to see Victor in the

cabin that morning. That was until Mac filled him in that like he and Webb,

Vic was also a victim.

"Went to get food and to see if he could contact the Admiral." Mac saw his

eyes go wide with shock, clearly he was worried about work. "He knows what's

up. . . well, at least he should by now."

Harm moved out of her embrace and laid flat on his back. He sighed as he

brought his hands to his face and rubbed. "Christ, what is going to happen

to me? To you? I mean, you never should have gotten into this mess."

"If it was happening to me, would you back away?" Mac turned over to her

side so that she could look at him. "Would you?" Before he could answer she interjected. "You wouldn't. . . come hell or high water, you'd be there. . . You WERE there and I spent the last year telling myself that if something ever happened to you again that I'd be there come hell or high water."

Harm sighed. "Mac, you have a good career, I've tossed mine away too many

times to count."

"Screw the job, Harm. . . It isn't worth it if you are not around." Mac was

tired of him playing hero and her the damsel. This time, she understood

that he didn't like the tables to be turned, but she wasn't planning to step

back. Involved or not, she was standing by his side. "Don't you get it? I

love you. I've loved you for so long that I don't even remember when I fell

for you. . .and I'll be damned if anything is going to rip us apart."

"Sarah. . . I just don't want you to get hurt." Leaning forward he brought

this lips to her and kissed her softly. Hearing the door open, the both

jumped apart and then chuckled when they did so.

Vic walked into the room and stood there with a strange expression on his

face. He was tempted to say something about them not having to worry about

being together around him, but he chose to ignore it. In the Marines or not, they were senior officers. "I spoke to the Admiral, he may have a plan."

August 6th, 2004

0610 Local

Virginia

They'd agreed to meet at the same dirt road where AJ and Clay had met a few

days prior. The drive back to Virginia had been a silent one. Victor drove

while Harm and Mac sat in the back seat of the SUV. Mac would watch Harm

from time to time. He kept looking out of the window to the scenery on

I-95. She sighed concerned about him being him again. Clearly 'Mindcrime'

had damaged him in some way. If not physically, then emotionally. She saw

the turmoil and the restlessness, things she couldn't ease but she helped

would go away.

Upon arrival, they found AJ leaning against a car, waiting for them. He

watched as Harm slowly got out of the car and stood. Though he looked like

himself, AJ could see that Harm was being deeply affected by something. He

mustered a smile for the tall Commander and made his way across the road to

shake his hand and pat him on the back. "Commander, good to see you on your

feet."

Mac sighed and looked between both men. "He had us scared for a while

their, Sir." She took the hug that AJ offered and smiled.

"What's been going on?" Victor asked.

AJ looked at the three that seemed to have been to hell and back. He

frowned at the thought that he didn't have a solid lead to anything. Sure,

he knew higher ups that he could call, didn't meant it would be any help. "I

've been looking into all angles to which to play this thing. . ."

A rumbling of tires on the dirt path brought conversation to a halt.

Quickly, Mad and Victor took out their weapons, pointing it an oncoming car.

When Webb jumped out, they put it down.

Harm looked at the agent with stunned amusement. "Weren't you leaving the

country?"

"Yea, well. . .I figure that I owe you. . ." Webb said with a shrug.

Turning to Mac, he smiled as she mouthed a 'Thank you' to him.

AJ quickly took command again. "As I was saying. . . I figure the best

thing to do is to take this all the way up to the president." No one

challenged his thoughts and all remained silent, until Mac spoke up.

"Is that the wisest course of decision?"

"Do you have any suggestions, Colonel?"

Mac nodded. "Sir, chances are that the CIA has already covered their tracks.

If we go to our commander in chief with this, it's liable that they've made

us out to be just three crazy military folk and two rogue agents." Frowning

she looked over at Harm and then back to her CO. "There has to be another

way.

Webb frowned. "Sarah, there isn't any. . . Trust us on this, it's the best

alternative."

"Clay, can you assure me that Catherine won't find a way to throw a wrench

into this plan?" Angrily she moved towards the spook. "Chances are she

already has done whatever necessary to make sure Harm and you are destroyed

for good."

Harm, who had been quiet during the whole conversation chose this moment to

speak up. With a cocky grin, he reached over to AJ. "I have an idea. . .

May I use your cell phone, sir?" He punched in a few numbers as the others

waited in silence. "Stuart Dunston please."


	17. Media Overkill 2

PART 17 – Media Overkill 2

They take you high

They make you cry

We are at the point of no return

Satellites transmit the latest thrill

We can't escape the media overkill

"Media Overkill" By: The Scorpions.

August 7th, 2004

0745 Local

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

The gates outside of JAG ops were lined with news trucks from just about every news station in Virginia, Washington, and some of the other neighboring states. Classified plans had leaked overnight that hinted to a possible abuse of power within the domains of the Central Intelligence Agency. The information, a select group of paperwork that Clay had stolen from the CIA some time before his disappearance. At the request of AJ, Petty Officer Coates copied and sent out to as many news stations as she could contact. The exclusive interview was to be given to non-other than ZNN's Stuart Dunston. Whatever grievances JAG had with the man on previous issues, Harm knew that he generally was a good man who sought out the truth, just like he did.

Untrusting of the CIA and their measures to keep things quiet, AJ posted Marine guards around the perimeter with strict instructions to pat everyone down before allowing them to enter the building. For good measure one more Marine was standing in front of his office door, as inside Harm, Mac, Vic and Webb sat, waiting for the 8am interview to start.

Mac stood by Harm who was sitting in one of the large leather chairs near the fireplace in AJ's office. AJ, Webb and Vic were convened around the large desk watching the news on ZNN. The drapes were drawn, giving possible snipers no chance at a shot. Mac gave Harm a sympathetic smile. Though they did a makeshift detox in Maryland, she knew he still needed medical attention and possibly a few days if not weeks of downtime. She was concerned over his brain and how much more trauma it could take. Usually the hidden wounds were the once that could strike a deadly blow. "You look nervous."

Looking up at her, Harm offered a half-hearted smile and a shrug. "I haven't been this nervous since I first got in a plane after my ramp strike." Sighing when her hand met his shoulder, he placed his hand over hers. "Did I tell you I had to learn to walk all over again?"

Mac shook her head. "You never really told me much."

"I guess, I was afraid you wouldn't want to go on a plane with me if I did." They both chuckled at that. Harm knew there were so many things they needed to find out about each other, he just hoped they had the time to do that.

Smirking at him, Mac put her hands on her hips. "Going on a plane with you isn't a problem, landing is."

"True, we have had rather interesting landings three out of four times." Harm smiled again, this time pretty close to a flyboy smile. At least the conversation was taking his mind slightly away from the demons that were consuming his mind.

Mac tilted her head to the side and chuckled. "That last one though, was a doozy."

"Punching out over Russia was too. . . and then of course we had the. . ."

"Poachers" They said at the same time. Mac slid into the guest chair next to him and leaning in she said with a grin, "When this is all over, would you consider teaching me to fly 'Sarah?'"

Harm sat there for a moment, in awe of the woman before him. "You really want to go flying with me?"

"Yes." She said without reservation or hesitation. Did she like planes? No, but, she wanted to give it another shot at feeling the adrenaline and passion that Harm felt in the cockpit.

Harm sighed and a quickly a somber mood fell over him. He wanted to enjoy his time with Mac, but there were just too many things in his head. He really didn't want to bring it up, in fact, he was hoping he'd somehow forget. But, Harm didn't. "I wonder how many people I killed because of them." With a frown, he looked at her and then to the ground in shame. "I'm a murderer Mac." The tone of his voice had no denying that was what he believed he was; a murderer.

Mac shook her head and placed her hand over his. She knew it would hit him eventually, but she was hoping it wouldn't be so soon. "You didn't do it. . . as far as I am concerned it wasn't you."

Harm pulled his hand out from under hers and moved his arms across his chest. "It was me. . . It was me that tried to hurt you. . . twice."

Standing, Mac moved right in front of him and then squatted to be down at his eye level. "Look at me, Harm. . . it wasn't YOU. . ." She took his large hands in her smaller ones and held him. "YOU don't do those things. . . Don't let them destroy you more than they have, please." The look in his eyes threatened to kill her. Harm was there, but in his eyes was the look of a lost child who ran away after doing something wrong. "Besides, no mater what happens, I am by your side. . . I am not walking away again and I am not letting you walk away either." She brought one of her hands up to his cheek and caressed him.

A voice from behind brought them out of their tender moment. "Commander? It's time." Stuart said with a smile. At Mac's nod, he knew to step away and give them a moment.

Harm stood, composed himself as best as possible before heading out of AJ's office and to the bullpen. Victor and Clay remained in AJ's office. AJ, himself, stood in the bullpen watching. Harm stood right where the camera crew had designated for filming, just in front of the JAG insignia on one of the walls. He'd never been one to panic at the sight of camera's or public speaking, but, at that moment, he swore he was practically a sociophobic. True to her word, Mac was by his side. Since they were in uniform and it was inappropriate for them to display affection publicly, Mac subtly let her hand brush against Harm's, a sign that she was by him. She noticed him visibly relax, if just a bit.

The monitors above the bullpen were all tuned to ZNN where an anchorman was reminding the public about the special report. ". . .The file, sent out by the Judge Advocate General Corps of the Navy, was said to implicate members of the Central Intelligence Agency of wrong doing against their agents. Stuart Dunston is in Falls Church, Virginia right now, waiting to interview a Commander in the Navy who is to shed light on this. . ."

"What in the hell is going on here AJ?" The gruff voice of SECNAV Sheffield bellowed as he walked into the bullpen followed by non-other than Catherine Gayle. Sheffield being one of the few people with authorization to enter the building, brought Catherine with him and received no argument by one of the guards.

Rather than squirm as AJ normally did under the SECNAVs scrutiny, he just smiled as if nothing were occurring. "Good morning, Mr. Secretary."

"I suggest you wipe off that, Admiral. . . I've heard disturbing things this morning." Turning to the side he saw were Harm and Mac were standing in front of the camera , waiting for the interview to being. Sheffield threw his hands up in disgust. "I should have know this had Rabb and MacKenzie written all over it." Stepping forward, he looked menacingly at the Admiral. "Get Stuart Dunston and his camera out of here, NOW, AJ."

AJ glanced at Catherine Gayle and then at Sheffield. "With all due respect, sir. . . No, I will not." He didn't know how Catherine was let in, (More than likely Sheffield threatened to terminate someone's career. When the SECNAV spoke, most people listened.) but he was confident that, at least, she was patted down.

Catherine caught the attention of Harm and Mac who stood there with perturbed expressions on their faces. "I don't know what your people are planning on accomplishing here. If anything, you'll just give away classified information that the agency fights to keep a tight lid on." She tired reasoning with the Admiral, but was cut short.

"Catherine. . ." Clay's voice cut off any tangent that she was attempting to go to. He stepped out of AJ's office, feeling her gaze, which was so calm just a moment before, but began to turn icy and threatening.

"You. . ." Rumors had floated around that Clayton Webb was still alive. She didn't believe any of them, even when members of the 'Mindcrime' project told her about his involvement in Harm's escape. She brushed it off as being some sort of hoax. Her steely gaze bore into Clay and the normally calm and collected attorney started breaking apart. "You died, you're supposed to be dead!"

"I'm a hard man to have killed." Clay stated simply. He took a quick glance over at Harm and Mac at the opposite end of the bullpen. Harm was going to try and get to Catherine, but Mac had put a hand on his arm to stop him.

Catherine didn't find any humor in anything that was going on. With each second that passed by she grew more furious than before. "You were supposed to be dead damnit!" She yelled at Clay and then lunged at the agent. Catherine got a few good blows in before Victor and the Marine guard managed to grab and pull her off of Clay. She thrashed against their restraints, wildly moving her body to break free while yelling. "Daddy promised me that those missions in South America would be the end of you!"

Clay stood up slowly, wiping a bit of blood off of a broken lip. "You wanted to kill me, that is why you kept sending me down there?"

"YES." Catherine calmed down a bit, but continued glaring at him. "And you kept coming back, kept begging for your old job back." She shook her head and chuckled. "Daddy wasn't going to give that job back to a cold hearted, cheating bastard."

"I didn't cheat on you, Catherine!" Clay yelled back, moving a few feet closer to her. "You got that stupid notion in your head and ran with it. . ." But, it went back a bit farther than the accusations of Clay having an affair. Her anger with him stemmed from the Angelshark investigation and the way he unprofessionally handed Harm information. But, perhaps his worst mistake was having a bit too much wine in her office one evening. The liquor led to uninhibited passion and the creation of a new life which Clay wasn't aware of.

"You seduced me, you knocked me up and then left me to traipse through the jungles with HER.." Catherine turned her head to glare over at Mac.

For a moment everything in the bullpen was dead silent as people processed what Catherine had just implied. Mac looked over at Harm. Though she didn't think that the baby was his, it was rather odd to have a pregnant Catherine Gayle go to his home. Webb took a deep breath and let it out. "Catherine. . ."

"You hurt me. .." Catherine began saying. Her body was shivering from the amount of emotional stress she was under. Never was she the type to unravel in the way that she had. "You practically told me to abort the baby!"

Clay shook his head. "I didn't say that. . . what I said was that I wasn't prepared to be a father. . . I would have helped you with the baby, I would have done anything because I cared for you so much."

Catherine just glared at him. "You're a liar, Clay. . . a manipulator." With a growl she tried to launch her self at him again, but Vic and the Marine held her back. "You were already on probation for that stunt with the Angelshark. . . After what happened, I made sure Daddy put you on the worst cases possible." Chuckling evilly, she looked over at Mac again. "I saw the way you looked at the Colonel. . . and when I heard she would be your partner. . . well, I just HAD to leak information to Sadik."

"What?!" Mac yelled in surprise. If what Catherine was saying was true, Paraguay would've gone down much differently. The last year of pain, wouldn't have happened. "What did you do Catherine?"

With a shrug and a dry chuckle she kept eye contact with Mac. "I let Sadik's men know who Victor Galindez really was. . . I told them about a Marine Colonel who would more than likely not leave her man behind." She tilted her head to the side and smiled. "He knew everything about you. . .everything."

Things, in Mac's mind, finally started falling into place. It made sense now why it was that Sadik knew so much about her, when he came hunting for her. It made sense why he was so unwilling to believe her and Clay's story in Paraguay. Catherine's jealousy and unstable mind had thrown them into the lion's den. "What about, Harm?" Mac's voice nearly cracked as she thought about all of the destruction that Hurricane Catherine left in it's wake. Lives forever damaged because of jealousy. "What did he ever do to you to?"

"I disliked the both of you, because of the Angelshark investigation. . . you made me look like a fool." Catherine growled. "So, I figure, I could let him try and find you and take care of all my past problems."

Harm, who'd been practically frozen for all of this time, finally spoke up. He moved cautiously through the bullpen. Warning bells were going off in his head, telling him not to get too close to her. "What about 'Mindcrime?' Why did you use me?"

"Because I could. . . because, when you joined the agency, you were so willing to forget Sarah MacKenzie that your mind was easy to control." Catherine smiled genuinely at him. "You did your work too damn well, Commander. Because, we just had to keep on using you."

Harm shook his head. "I helped you, when your mother was dying and this is how you repay me?" His tone of voice was hard, edgy. It would have scared away most people. "I am not letting you do this to anyone else!"

However, all it did was irritate Catherine Gayle even more. Her eyes grew colder as she put their gaze on Harm. Her voice changed slightly. "Commander. . . You need to finish what you started." Her voice was soft and sweet, she practically cooed her words at Harm. "Clear your mind, Commander. . . you know what you have to do."

Mac turned to Harm and was taken back when she started seeing that sudden change. One that she was getting familiar with. "Harm?"

He looked at Mac, eyes clouding over, tunnel vision focusing only on her. He felt the wave of vertigo and the dizzying headache that accompanied the symptoms. He tried to slow down his breathing, to make his heart stop beating so rapidly. Closing his eyes, memories, like a video started playing behind his closed lids, the one of his finger on the trigger and the barrel of his gun pointing at a female Marine. In his head he heard a voice, one that sounded like Catherine's telling him to kill. Opening his eyes, the video stopped. He felt the helm of his pants for a gun but found non. With a shrug, he moved methodically towards Mac.

"Harm! No!" She yelled back at him as she backed her way through the bullpen. "Harm, WAKE UP." Every time she spoke to him, she saw him lose the spring in his step. He would stop for a moment, seemingly confused and then start moving again.

"Do it, Commander!" Catherine yelled as she fought against Vic and the Marine holding her back. "Kill them all."

Clay grabbed Mac, moving her across the bullpen and towards her office, but it was locked. Sheffield, had locked himself in Mac's office when Catherine had lunged at Clay and wasn't planning on opening for anyone. Webb stood in front of Mac, shielding her with his body. AJ slowly made his way towards Harm, to stop him from getting to Mac and the agent. But, before the former SEAL had a chance to do anything, Harm's fist connected with the center of his chest. The force was so brutal, AJ was sent against a desk which he rolled off of, landing on the floor. Harm turned his attention back to Mac and started moving forward again. Vic let go of Catherine, and tried to go to Mac's aid, only to be kicked straight in the gut by Harm. Clay brought his hand up as a pathetic attempt to turn Harm away. For his efforts, he got his hand bent behind his back as Harm brought him to his knees. "Harm. . . Don't do this. . ." He bent the arm far enough to demobilize the agent then shoved him out of the way.

Catherine managed to get loose by kicking the guard in the groin. She moved towards Harm urging him to continue. "Do it. . . kill her. . .kill her."

Mac tried her door again with no luck, she spun around only to find herself pinned against the door by Harm's larger frame. "Please. . . Harm. . . Snap out of it, please!" Gingerly she brought her hands to his face and brushed away the tears that were spilling from his eyes.

The inner struggle was threatening to topple him over. Harm was fighting a war within himself, one half told him to kill, the other to save the woman in front of him. "Sarah. . ." He said softly, before putting his hands to his head. The headache was coming again, the pain making him shiver.

"Don't listen to her Harm!" Catherine yelled.

Harm collapsed to his knees, his head was pounding more and more with each breath he took. A warm liquid start to drip out of his nose, it was blood. He glanced up at Catherine and tried to shake whatever was going on out of his head, but he couldn't, the pain was too much for him to bare.

Catherine got closer to Harm, "You have a job to do. . . do it NOW." She felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, an angry Sarah MacKenzie wound up and landed a right hook squarely against the side of Catherine's face. The woman was knocked unconscious.

Mac came to her knees in front of Harm's shivering form. She took him, pulling off her jacket it to use it as a way to try and stop the bleeding. His head was laying on her lap. "Someone call 911!" All of the men were coming to, and it was AJ who ran to the nearest desk and called for assistance.

Vic took the Marine's handcuffs and put them on Catherine Gayle's wrists. "Where did the SECNAV go?" He asked, looking around the area.

As if on cue, the door of Mac's office opened and out came SECNAV Sheffield with a horrified expression. He'd seen everything that happened, heard the whole thing. Looking down at the unconscious woman he frowned. "Marine, take her into custody."

1601 Local

CIA Headquarters

Langley, Virginia

Deputy Director Kershaw sat in his plush office, watching ZNN with great interest as the day's events replayed. During the struggle with Catherine and Harm, Stuart Dunston had flipped on the camera and video taped the ordeal. Hiding behind a desk, no one saw him, but it gave enough evidence to support the claims of wrong doings within the agency. Kershaw frowned each time the mention of 'Mindcrime' came up, he wasn't aware of just how ruthless the Gayle's could be. Turning off the TV, he glanced over at Clay who'd been brought in. "Mr. Webb. . . I suppose the agency owes you and several others an apology."

"You're not surprised to see me alive?" Webb asked, as he rubbed the arm that Harm had threatened to snap. Medics had checked it over and noted that it was not broken, but a wrap was put on the arm, to help out any sore muscles. Harm had been rushed to a nearby hospital and Mac had gone with him while AJ, Vic and Webb stayed behind. Webb gave the interview in Harm's stead, revealing plans of 'Mindcrime' with little or no technical information. Though he wanted to be cleared of wrong doing, he didn't want to give enemies more information.

Kershaw grinned at his former agent. "The initial shock wore off after seeing you on ZNN."

"I suppose this is where I'm terminated?" Webb said it casually, almost uncaring of his fate which was the absolute opposite.

Spinning in his chair, Kershaw turned towards the window and looked out. An hour after the footage had aired, he'd received a special request, from the President himself, to find and arrest Peter Gayle.

Hours earlier, Kershaw had interview Gayle, as several heads of other agency's sat behind the two way mirror, watching one of their own crumble. Intel about the things they'd used 'Mindcrime' for surfaced along with a list that was found in Mr. Gayle's office with the names of every agent and non-agent that had been used. The idea was to just test the equipment out, but, seeing as agents were expendable and the machine worked so well, it became a full out weapon, his masterpiece. They were supposed to use agents that were considered extremely expendable and not agents like Clay, who'd been aboard for so long. Harm was initially not going to be used, but when personal financial situations threatened to bring the Gayle empire down, they tapped him as a resource. He was used to acquire narcotics and money. As he had always shown up to the meetings wearing his Naval uniform, if he were caught, it would never come back to the CIA. Mac questioning the agency and the mention that Webb was still alive, made things a little bit more sticky. So they implemented a notion into Harm's mind that he had to get rid of her. For reasons unbeknownst to them, it never really worked.

When asked again why Clayton Webb was involved with 'Mindcrime' Peter looked up at Kershaw with a sadness in his voice. "My wife had these manic problems in her youth. . . never did I believe that my only daughter would suffer the same. . ." Turning to the two way mirror, he almost seemed sympathetic. "She and Mr. Webb had been a couple, up until Catherine had the notion that he was with another. . . He left her pregnant and then used the Colonel. . ." Peter half-laughed and shook his head. "His father and I did many things together for the agency. . . I didn't want to believe that he'd willingly hurt my daughter." With a sigh, he turned away. "His involvement with Colonel MacKenzie told me differently." After the interview was over, there was a unanimous decision to remove Gayle from his position in the agency and consider someone else to take the reins.

Kershaw looked across at Webb and thought for a moment. Termination was way out of line, considering the agency had wronged a good man. Clay was too good to dispose of, but his recent stint before Stuart Dunston's camera left him with few options. "In light of recent events, a few things have come to my attention." Clearing his voice, he moved forward in his chair and placed his hands on the desk. "I want to start. . . a special task force one that I will use in order to plug up leaks within the agency. . . I think you'd be a wonderful leader for said task force."

"I'd be happy to help out any way I can, sir." Clay said with a half smile and a sigh of relief. "Sir, I'd like to suggest former Gunnery Sergeant Galindez to help with said task force."

Kershaw nodded. "I was going to suggest the same thing, you two seem to work well together."

"Sir. . . Harm, uh, Commander Rabb." Clay thought with a frown. If anything, Peter Gayle's assessment that Clay had used Mac, was dead on. He needed an escape from Catherine and it didn't hurt that Mac was good looking and also an asset on his mission. Could someone else have been picked? Certainly. But, with Harm out of the way because of his NCIS problems, Clay had a small window of opportunity and took it. He didn't, however, expect it to all go to hell the way it did.

Kershaw frowned at the mention of Harm. Whatever grievances the Gayle's had for Clay should have never spread out to affect so many people. With a nod, he glanced at Webb. "I'll take care of him."

About part 17 - Forgot to put this in at the end. . . Originally, it would have been a stand off at Langley (Pistols at noon type of thang) that would have ended with Harm taking some sort of bat and slamming the machine to bits. Very dramatic and all, yea. . . but how to get them into the building, how would people know that Harm was really innocent. . .etc. Too much to be into.

So, I opted for the media helping out and since Catherine was caught, on tape, being all psycho, works well, methinks! All in all, it's a story, probably won't be as easy as I wrote it to be. ;) Completely abusing my authors creative license! Tee hee!


	18. Warm Again

PART 18 – Warm Again

There you stood

You stood and smiled

So wonderful

It was like I were in a dream

And I believe

That you understood

When I said

That I always want to remain here forever

That I always want to stay here forever

English translation of "Varmt Igen" (Warm Again) By: Per Gessle.  
Tackar till Thomas. :)

August 27th, 2004  
1745 Local  
Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Leaning against the wall of the elevator, Harm let out a deep breath. The day had ended up being quite an exhausting one. Review boards, appointments with a shrink and something else he had to pick up. At least, he would get home with news that he was eager to share with Mac. Thinking back into the last month left his mind reeling, especially when you consider that he survived with his life intact and the love of a woman that he needed more than the air that he breathed. On top of that, he had a daughter that he loved as his own and would be missing this weekend, as she was spending it with her father.

It would make an exact three weeks since everything came to a dead stop for the CIA's 'Mindcrime' plans. Three weeks since he was admitted into the hospital after Catherine's attempt to control his mind failed. He spent a few days at a local hospital and then was transferred to Bethesda where he remained as he properly detoxed of the chemicals that threatened to destroy his mind. The CIA had helped, sent some sort of an antidote to allow his body to recover. The agency also suggested that he see their shrink, which, at first, Harm wasn't too thrilled about. As the days passed, he realized he needed to talk to someone so that he could control the nightmares and daymares before they consumed him.

Stepping into his apartment, he smiled as he took in the familiar scent of Mac's perfume. He knew she was there, as he saw her Corvette parked outside, but still, he tended to get a warm feeling from finding her in his apartment and so at home within his domain. True to her promises, she stayed with him, even used some of her time on the books to help him get through the worst. She held him when he cried, told jokes to cheer him up and even tried to protect him from the imaginary demons that were after him. The fact that he'd attacked her still registered in his mind. Finally though, he understood that she wasn't afraid of him because of it. It wasn't him, rather something that took his body and controlled it.

Under hypnosis by the CIA psychologist, Harm 'remembered' all of the crimes he'd committed because of the mind control. Some benefited the Agency itself, most benefited the Gayle's in some twisted plan to rule supremely. There was one murder that wasn't factored into anything that the CIA was trying to do, that was the death of Petty Officer Larson. If anything, the best way to label it was: wrong place, wrong time. The Petty Officer had arrived to Harm's apartment with evidence that would help his case. Harm, controlled by 'Mindcrime' was in a rush, needing to head out and take care of a mark for the CIA. Rather than listen to his client's information, he dismissed Larson who became upset with his attorney's lack of interest. Harm's mind told him to attack and subdue the Petty Officer which he did with a punch to the stomach. Larson fell to the ground angrily yelling that he would tell the proper authorities about the attack and would have Harm disbarred. That was when Harm pulled out a gun and shot him four times in the chest. He still needed to head out and finish his task for the CIA, so he pulled Larson's body into the dumpster right by his building and left. When he arrived back, he called the CIA's 'cleanup' division and began to try and take the blood stains from Larson's murder out of his uniform. That was when Mattie walked in and, effectively, turned his brain back on.

Speaking with Mattie had proven to be a difficult feat as well. She was angry with him, frightened that she could lose a person she'd come to love so much. On top of it all, it was suggested that she and Coates stay at the Admiral's home until everything was settled again. Though she was a good houseguest and AJ was a good host, she never felt quite at home there. She missed her place with Jen, she missed her guardian. Thankfully, Mac helped out and things were back to some normalcy.

Taking the few steps up to his room, he heard the shower running. With a grin, he began to take his uniform off, tossing it along with Mac's on the floor. Traipsing slowly into the bathroom, a naked Harmon Rabb leaned up against the bathroom wall and took in Mac's figure as she showered. She had her eyes closed, as the water ran through her hair and over her body. His grin widened. 'Damn she is gorgeous.' He thought with a satisfied smirk. He was fine now, given a clean bill of health after his check up at Bethesda. A little fun would be in order.

When she turned around, Harm got a good look at her six just as the bar of soap she was holding slid between her fingers and to the floor. He bent down to grab it and as he did Mac moved to the side and Harm's head came in contact with the wall. "Ooof . . ."

Mac watched him in amusement as he rubbed his head with one hand and held out the soap with the other. It really wasn't a hard hit and she was trying to laugh at the typical male way of blowing things out of proportion. "You okay?" If he thought he was being smooth just standing there watching, he had another thing coming. She felt him there, the heat of his gaze as it traveled down her body. Snatching the soap from him, she proceeded on lathering herself up.

"Yep." He stared at her for a moment, slightly disappointed that she didn't gush all over his 'injury.' Harm leaned up against the shower wall again and just watched her. "Have I told you how incredibly sexy you are?"

Mac continued to lather herself up, not paying much attention at him at all. "Hmmm. . . Yes you have."

"Cos, you really are, Sarah." He tried using her first name, something that always brought some reaction from her, but it did nothing. With a frown he took two paces and stood behind her. He brought his arms around her waist as his head came down to her shoulder. His mouth sought out a spot. As usual, his kisses brought out that quiver from her body and he grinned that he could have that effect on her. He missed her body, the way it felt under his own. The feeling of skin on skin.

Mac bit back the urge to moan, instead she smirked. Playing hard to get seemed to work on Harm. 'Good,' She thought, filing that away for another moment. They had made love since their first time, twice to be exact. But, neither time was too long as the exertion seemed to wreak havoc on Harm's recovering body. But now, if his erection pressing against her was any indication, he was ready. Her body finally let out the moan she was suppressing as she felt his mouth on her neck, sucking lightly. She snaked her arm around him, holding his head down to her.

"So sexy, Sarah." Harm rasped against her ear before continuing his assault on her neck. He left a mark, which was his intent, a way to brand her. Chuckling, he placed a kiss over the area and turned his head to look at Mac who was chuckling as well.

Mac admonished him. "You left a hickey didn't you?"

"I prefer the term 'love bite' and yes I did." His arms tightened around her midsection, holding her body captive against his larger frame.

"I bet the Admiral will just LOVE that." She said with a giggle and a playful smack on his arm.

Harm grinned. "Oh, I left it where you could cover it up. . . I am not stupid you know."

"Uh huh, I'll let you know when I have to wear my uniform come Monday morning." Turning around, she locked gazed with him. He looked positively delighted, something she had missed within the past weeks. "Something on your mind, Sailor?"

Something on his mind? Yep, he had a lot on his mind, all of it good, for once. "I had a medical eval today, got back the results from the final round of tests. . ." His smile radiated, causing Mac to smile as well. "Everything's going to be fine, I've been cleared AND I still have my flight status."

"Harm! That's great to hear!" Mac threw her hands around his neck and pulled his mouth to hers. She kissed him passionately, it certainly was good news. Despite her dislike of his 'other' profession, she understood it was something that made Harm who he was. Besides, she didn't want t do anything that would get rid of that patented flyboy smile. Waggling his eyebrows suggestively, Harm backed her against the wall of the shower and resumed kissing her. His raised her leg up and placed it around his waist. Mac stopped and looked up at Harm. "Are you sure you're okay?"

As his response, Harm raised her up and wrapped her other leg around him as he fumbled to turn the water off. He kissed her then, deeply, soundly before breaking away. "I just want to make love to you, Mac." Mac held on to Harm's shoulders, as he walked them out of the shower and to his bedroom. He dropped her gently on the bed and brought is body over hers. They moved together slowly, not so much for pleasure but more as a home coming for Harm. When it was over, she lay in his arms sated, content and completely in love.

"Thank you, Sarah." He whispered softly as his fingers trailed down her arm. Harm took her hand in his and brought it up to his lips. "Thank you for staying."

Turning over on her side she looked at him, placing her hand on his cheek. "No way I was going to leave you alone, flyboy."

"Stay forever?" He asked timidly, with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

Mac nodded and leaned in to kiss him, when she broke away, she looked down at his hand which was holding something that was gleaming in the bit of light in his room. Catching her breath she looked up at him.

Harm swallowed hard, he'd thought up of a million and one ways to ask her. But, that evening he had the willpower, courage and the ring that he needed. "Marry me?" He asked in a confident voice. Sure, they'd talked about taking it slow, but seeing as they went through the strangest and longest courtship in history, slow was a bit more than overrated.

The shocked look on Mac's face was replaced by a dazzling smile. "Yes." Tears of happiness fell from her eyes as Harm slipped the ring onto her finger and then pulled her into his embrace. They kissed slowly and passionately before Mac broke off and took a good look at Harm. She'd never see him so happy, for that matter, she'd never felt so happy. Signs of their recent troubles seemed to have vanished. His eyes that once had a look of a stranger, now only shone with the look of a man in love.

THE END!


End file.
